Help with assesment of the writing samples for the IELTS

[Felixio84]

Please, anyone who can review the writing samples (IELTS) as a exeminer, help me and make your comments, notice whatever you want :roll:

[Felixio84]

sample #1

Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country, others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken:

Nowadays studying the foreign languages is very popular. There are some languages that are used by a huge number of world population, for example English, German, Spanish, Chinese, Russian etc. You have some opportunities to study the second language, one is to learn a foreign language in your own country and the second, learn it in the country where it is spoken.

Studying a foreign language in your own country is hard and it takes more time then in the country where it is spoken. In your home country you are around native speakers of your own language. You are not able to concentrate on other language all the time. According speaking and listening skills you have less opportunities than abroad. Also the quality of studying depends not only on learners but also on teachers. There is another disadvantage, it is really hard to find an appropriate teacher and program throughout non native speakers.

On the other hand, the country in which the language is spoken gives you a chance to save time and learn language faster. Many people go abroad especially for this reason. When you do not hear your mother tongue, you are trying to understand and reply to other person, your listening and oral skills are improving rapidly. There are a lot of study programs and qualified teachers, that provide you with specific details and characteristics of the language. But the most helpful is that you are hearing and interacting with native speakers.

In summary, you can study the foreign language as in your own country as in the country where the language is spoken. Both of them have their advantages. In your country you feel yourself more comfortable besides it is really hard to possess various features of the language, understand some dialects of native speakers. So if you would like to deepen your knowledge in foreign languages you should live in an appropriate area.

Sample #2

The college years are the best time in a person’s life.

The college years are the best time in a person’s life. After the high school , most teenagers go to college to become skilled in a various fields such as technical, humanitarian, natural sciences etc.

During the study period there are a lot of resources to choose- your main subject, become prepared in the subject you need, to deepen your knowledge. Therefore, this is the great time to make new friends and meet many important and interesting people, who will help you to achieve the future goal. During the college years you have the age and opportunities to get as much knowledge, have fun and enjoy – yourself as you would like, but you should not forget to use this period rationally.

Besides–all the positive parts, there can be the minor issues –that you have to resolve. In these years you should chose your future career carefully, deeply explore present knowledge and develop proper behavior. There can be age related problems with your health while your physical condition is mostly changeable. Also it is the issue to be most interactive with people, relatives, and elders.

In summary, college years are the best life period you can have. You are free in your choice, you can manage your future career, life, choose the people who you will live with, have a lot of fun and try to make life easy while the most important step.

Beside a lot of the positive sides the network has its minor part such as troubleshooting, connection problems, low speed of the transferring information, etc.
However, there are many modern technologies, among them the internet has its jobia aq own place. This is the most demanded tool for the business, human life and other activities. Nowadays it is hard to imagine how difficult it would be to use time and other resources rationally without the World Wide Web

[Felixio84]

Sample # 3
Pets should be treated as a family members:

Many people have pets at home, for example dogs, cats, pigs, parrots etc. They love them and treat them as family members.

Living with your favorite pets has its advantages. If you have a dog, you can sleep quiet, because it will secure your home, car, and other possessions. If you have a cat, you will be free from the problem according the mice. Now it is known that parrot is the best support for blind people, they can dictate the color of the traffic signals, so the human can cross the road safely.
Beside the advantages, having pets has disadvantages. It is really hard to have a cat, dog, etc. for the people who are allergic. Also keeping such kind of friends, you need to deal with sanitary issues. You need to take them out of the garden. Wash them, make a haircut, take to the veterinarian for injection. Therefore if you would like to keep pets at home you should be ready to look after them.
In summary, I fully agree with statement that pets should be treated as family members, they play the generous role in our life. They care about us so we should keep them and make them feel as a member of our family.

Sample # 4

Many people enjoy participating in sports for recreation; others enjoy participating in the arts.

There are many leisure activities. Some people enjoy participating in football, swimming, skiing, basketball, baseball etc. Other people like to take part in the arts, for example singing, playing on the various instruments, act in movies or take part in performances, painting. Both sports and arts are the fields that make people involved in the socially active life-style.

On the one hand, taking part in sports will give you an advantage to become a healthier person, you have a chance to achieve high level of professionalism in various directions like David Backhem in football or Michael Jordan in basketball (rogoria ha?). However the reason can be just to enjoy yourself or relax, have a lot of fun with playing tennis, swimming or organizing trips throughout the mountains and valleys. There is another case that individuals who have a physical disorder are participating in the sports too. Of course it is hard to take part in all types of activities for them but the importance of their action is that it helps them to become socially active members of our world.

Another activity for making life interesting, is art. Many people are involved in such creative work process, also every task and work needs special ability and innovative mind but the arts are open and achievable pleasure for all. I would not be afraid to say that activities that are combined in art, that is responsible to make revolution of feelings in the thoughts of the society. The art gives you an opportunity to do the job that makes other people kind, full of love. Also for many people making music, painting, directing movies etc., is the profitable job besides feelings of satisfaction. In my point of view, it is not so important how successful or popular you are in the society, what a high return you have, but what mental and physical pleasure you get from your job.

[Felixio84]

Sample # 5

Advances in transportation and communication like the airplane and telephone have changed the way that nations interact with each other in global society. Choose another technological innovation that you think is important:

There are lot of technological achievements such as airplane, cosmic crafts, mobile telephones, ultra modern lighting systems and machines. Computer and related computer network, known as the World Wide Web, are the most requested tools due to their use, in the modern world. The internet gives us opportunities to resolve some issues easily and rapidly.

There are a lot of positive sides of using the World Wide Web. From the individual to the corporations try to make internet as helpful and useable as they can. Through the network you can find, watch, listen or spread the huge amount of information. Or you can contact with the people using software program for the PC. Large companies use video conference through internet too. They are able to make decisions, present the projects in a long distance easily. Also the internet is the main component of the modern art, live theatre, when the performing action is transmitted by the discussing technologies.
Besides a lot of the positive sides the network has its minor part such as troubleshooting, connection problems, low speed of the transferring information, etc.
However, there are many modern technologies, among them the internet has own place. This is the most demanded tool for the business, human life and other activities. Nowadays it is hard to imagine how difficult it would be to use time and other resources rationally without the World Wide Web.

Sample # 6

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others.
Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society.

Nowadays government partly supports students who are studying at universities. The financial aid is provided for them who are attending scholarship programs, have excellent scores in various subjects etc. According some people’s opinions government should support the study programs which are the most important for the development of the country and not those that are less meaningful.

On the one hand, it will be beneficial to concentrate all the financial resources on several subjects’ support. It will be a huge contribution for the improvement of quality of education, renewing technical devises, increasing number of students. There will be much more opportunities for the people who would like to study useful disciplines such as adult education, economics, law, social sciences etc.

Besides, arises a question: who can choose the subjects and educational programs which should be financed? Or how can we give priority to one or several fields and all other ones put on outside position?
If we think that we have no good economists, lawyers or others and we should make our choice on those fields it does not mean that other disciplines such as music, drawing, philosophy etc. are not so important for the country development.

In summary I fully disagree with the stated opinion. Governments need to improve their professionals step by step, and at the same time. It does not matter who wants to become a musician or a businessman. All disciplines are important in the cultural, economical and social life of country. I think that the existed financial system for the students is the most appropriate. It gives chances to receive many types of support to all.

Thank you in advance :)

[Shyone]

You have posted all these essays in another forum already. You need a little bit of patience, there is not always someone here to expertly review your essays.

And I would suggest that you post only one at a time. Not many people have the time to read through all of them at once and correct them.
_________________
No comment

[Felixio84]

Sorry :| I really did not think that all the visitors will read my writtings and it disturbs someone :(.

[Shyone]

I didn't say that you are disturbing someone.

What I'm saying is, not many of the native speakers who volunteer here to do the corrections have that much time to correct it all at once.

So it is easier for them if you post one, have it reviewed and corrected, and then move on to the next.

Looking at all of them at once is like standing in front of a huge mountain that is too high to climb in one go. But divided in stages it is manageable. :D
_________________
No comment

[Felixio84]

Thanks :oops:

[Kitosdad]

Felix. Essay one :- You could have summarised this topic much more clearly than by drifting from country to country.

Just give the pluses and minuses, and cut out the multiplication mate. :) :)

Kitosdad.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Kitosdad]

Felix, essay 2 was a lot better, but still patchy. Poor sentence structure being the worst point.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Kitosdad]

Felix No.3 was extremely poor. No 4, little better, but better.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Kitosdad]

Felix, No5 was a littttlllllleeee better.

No6. Nearly got a good, but not quite.

My opinions are my opinions, and what you asked for. I don't know if you did all these six in the same day, but it seems like you did. Writing good essays calls for research and concentrated dedication, not the putting down of random thoughts. However, I do congratulate you on your determination to finish these in the shortest possible time.

I'm sure you are capable of so much better. Why not prove it and produce a really good one ?

Your friend, Kitosdad.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Felixio84]

Kistosdad: Thank you so much, I was needed for the comments such as yours :)

Thanks again, Realy appreciate