TOEFL® essay: The government has announced that it plans to build a new university

[Nicooo]

Hi,
it is me again, hopefully you are not annoyed.

I wrote another essay:

The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare advantages and disadvantages of establishing new university in your community. Use specific details in your discussion.

The establishment of a new university in my community would be a great benefit. A university would influence different aspects. Our town is not so big and our infrastructure is old. A university needs a modern infrastructure. The unemployment in our community is increased during the last years. The university would offer new work places. On the other hand a university would let our small town grow and we would become a bigger town with all disadvantages of a big city.

Our infrastructure has to be modernized. Our streets are old and have become decrepit. Since a long time our major tries to build up a connection between the local highway and our town. We don’t have any fast internet connection or a good working mobile phone network. Students need a public transportation system. That is needed by many old people too. If the university would be build up here in our community we hopefully would get these things done.

The unemployment rate among our citizens has increased strongly. A lot of companies have already left our town. They relocated to cities with better infrastructure and more skilled worker. During the construction of the university a lot of jobs would come up and when the construction is finished, the university needs people to work in the there. Furthermore a university would offer graduated and high skilled students to companies around our community.

The advantages of becoming a bigger city are obvious, but I love living in a small city. And I know that a lot of my citizens do so too. A university would increase the number of citizens in our town and it would increase the amount of cars, people and noise as well. The price of monthly rate would increase, too, because of the higher demand of apartments. The whole living costs would rise.

A university let a community grow and earlier or later you will find yourself in a big city. Some people don’t like to live in such big cities. The advantages of having more jobs, more skilled people and a better infrastructure are strong, but the disadvantages are even stronger for some people.

I think my reasons are not really strong and maybe I did not point out any argument good enough...
But it is not easy for me to find the right arguments and write them correct in 30 minutes.
Thank you for correcting my essay and any advices to improve my writing.

[Kitosdad]

The establishment of a new university in my community would be of great benefit. A university would influence different aspects. Our town is only small and our infrastructure is old. A university needs a modern infrastructure.

The unemployment in our community has increased during the last years. The building of a university would create new job opportunities. On the other hand a university would let our small town grow and we would become a bigger town bringing with it all the disadvantages of a big city.

Our infrastructure has to be modernized. Our streets are old and have become decrepit. For a long time our Mayor has tried to build up a connection between the local highway and our town. We don’t have any fast internet connection or even a good working mobile phone network. Students need a public transportation system. That is needed by many old people too. If the university were to be built up here in our community we hopefully would get these things done.

The unemployment rate among our citizens has increased strongly. A lot of companies have already left our town. They relocated to cities with better infrastructure and more skilled workers.

During the construction of the university a lot of jobs would come up and when the construction is finished, the university would need people to work in there. Furthermore a university would be able to offer graduated and high skilled students to companies around our community.

The advantages of becoming a bigger city are obvious, but I love living in a small city. And I know that a lot of my citizens do too. A university would increase the number of citizens in our town and it would increase the amount of cars, people and noise as well. The price of monthly rates would also increase, too, because of the higher demand of apartments. The whole living costs would rise.

A university allows a community to grow, and sooner or later you will find yourself in a big city. Some people don’t like to live in such big cities. The advantages of having more jobs, more skilled people and a better infrastructure are strong, but the disadvantages are even stronger for some people.

Nic, that was quite a good essay. You are improving rapidly. Maybe a little time spent to first of all just jot down the + & - on a piece of paper might have helped you to find a little more content. Nevertheless it's good. Well done.

Kitosdad.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Nicooo]

Kitosdad, thank you for your compliment. To see that I am making advantages encourage me.
I wrote down all my arguments before i started to write the essay, but sometimes I feel underpressure and can't find the right arguments. When I am done with writing they come to my mind fluently. I'll keep working.

[Kitosdad]

Morning Nic,

To see that I am making advances encourages me

One can take advantage, but it is not considered to be a nice attitude.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Saule]

The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare advantages and disadvantages of establishing new university in your community. Use specific details in your discussion.

I would be grateful if someone could check and rate my essay. Thank you in advance.

I have been living in a heart of old and beautiful city for four years and so far I have never felt dissatisfied by my hometown. The most exciting thing about my city is that I can reach many places such as my stylist, my dantist, the city library and many wonderful restaurants and cozy caffee shops by walk. My hometown is nice and quiet what I enjoy the most about it. Therefore, it is difficult even to imagine a new university here because it would change the atmosphere of the city in terms of traffic and noise. On the other hand, It would bring some benefits such as educational programs more accesseptable for people of my hometown and more activities for youth.
The biggest disadvantage of having a new university in my city is that it would enhances traffic. Nowadays, there is always a traffic jump in a rush hours what in turns makes a lot of difficulties to reach a disareble place. Something I have to spend an hour in a traffic jump. It would be not so a big problem if my kids were not in the same car loudly complaining about the situacion. To solve this problem would be possible only creating a new highway, more parking lots, and other roads full of traffic lights. However, that would change the city making it more croudly and more like a big city rather than a small and cozy as it is today.
On the other hand, building a university here would bring some great advantages. A new university would definitely offer some educational programs for all people not only for enrolled students. In my opinion, the oportunity to attend some classes in order to enhance your knowledge in a certain area would be great. As a person from the comunity where a university is built, I would get some discount and be able to take some classes cheeper. Another advantage I would like to discuss is activities especially sport activeties for youth which universities usually offer. Socker, football, bascetball, and many others would give a great chance for young people to exercise and live a healthier life style.
In summary, a new university in my hometown would bring some good things and some bad things. Even taking in consideration such good things as educational and sport programs, I wouldn't be happy with the idea of a new university in the city. I still believe that it would bring more noise from traffic, would make my city crouder, and would change the charme of the city it already has and makes me feel wonderful.

[Kitosdad]

Good evening Saule, if nobody has edited your essay by morning, then I would be happy to do so.

I have a good book which I am itching to start, so it's an early bedtime for me tonight.

See you in the morning. Goodnight, wherever you are.

Kitosdad.

ps. I am not a teacher, so I can't rate it unfortunately, but I can comment.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Saule]

Good morning Kitosdad, thank you for your respond. I looked over my essay and I am kind of shocked. So many mistakes! I tried to be honest and fit in 30 minutes.
By the way, I am curious what kind of book you were so itching to start. I love reading. There is no better time for myself than a time with a good book. Hmmm... ''good book''. Probably all books are good, there are no bad books. When I'm reading ''a good book'', I enjoy so much that the world could stop and wouldn't notice this. When I'm reading ''a bad book'', I'm constantly thinking about how the author could get such a nettle, boring, or so idea for the book. And this thinking, actually, keeps me on continuing to read. Anyway, I am looking forward to see what you will say about my ''masterpiece.''

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Saule. You certainly appear to love your city and I am happy for you for doing so.

" There's no place like home " is a well-worn phrase, but a very true one.

I'm currently reading a paperback by James Patterson. I really enjoy his writing. There are only ever a few characters in the story, and therefore I don't have to keep back-tracking to remind myself just who is who in the story, as I often need to with some authors.

Another plus is that the " chapters " are usually only about four pages long, and so I can put the book down any-time without losing the thread of the story whenever the phone rings or someone is at the door. Great author, and good entertaining stories.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Kitosdad]

I have been living in a heart of an old and beautiful city for four years, and so far I have never had any reason to feel dissatisfied.

The most convenient thing about my city is that I can easily reach so many places, such as my stylist, my dentist, the city library and the many wonderful restaurants and cosy coffee shops, all within easy walking distance of my home.

It is difficult even to imagine a new university here because it would change the whole atmosphere of the place. The noise and traffic would totally change the environment out of all recognition.

On the other hand, it would bring some benefits, such as making educational programs more accessible for more people and by introducing more leisure activities for the younger members of the community.

The biggest disadvantage of having a new university in my city is that it would probably bring an enormous increase in traffic. Even now there is always a traffic jam in the rush hour, which in turn creates a lot of difficulties to get to wherever one is going.

Sometimes I have to spend an hour in a traffic jam. That in itself would not be such a burden, were it not for my children sitting in the back of the car, loudly complaining about the hold-up.

The solution to this problem would be to build a new highway, more parking lots, and more roads . However, that would change the city making it more crowded and more like a big city rather than it being small and cosy as it is today.

On the other hand, building a university here would bring some great advantages. A new university would definitely offer some extra educational programs for all of the people, not only for the enrolled students. In my opinion, the opportunity to attend some classes in order to enhance your knowledge in a certain area would be great. As a resident of the community I would probably get some discount on the course fees and I would be able to take some classes which I couldn't normally afford.

Another advantage I would like to discuss is activities, especially sport activities for youth which universities usually offer. Football, basketball, and many others would provide a great opportunity for the young people to exercise and live a healthier life style.

In summary, a new university in my home-town would bring some good things and some bad things. Even taking into consideration such good things as education and beneficial sports programs, I wouldn't be too happy with the idea of a new university in the city.

It would inevitably lead to overcrowding and increased pollution in the environment, due to the expected increase in residents traffic. It would change the charm which the city already has ,and would completely change the atmosphere that makes me feel so wonderfully content with my life here.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Saule]

Hello Kitosdad,
Thank you for editing my essay. Now it looks much better. As I see, I should work more on spelling and repeat rules for commas.

I heard a lot about J. Patterson but I've never read his books. Usually I read Lithuanian books. If I read in English, it is ever something what I'm interested in, such as healthy eating, raising boys, or children books, or magazines and newspapers:).