TOEFL® essay: Some governments say how many children a family can have in their...

[Ehsanzarin]

I am preparing myself for IELTS exam and need help in improving my essays. The text below is just the introduction part of subject. I will be glad if anyone helps me and tells me my mistakes and also their correct form. thanks in advance.

subject:Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for the government to control the population in this way.

My assay's introduction : Nowadays,population growth is considered as one of the major concerns of some governments.Among many developing solutions that could control the growth of population efficiently, the necessity of paying taxes on more children than allowed by government,has been argued frequently in recent years.Different people from different educational backgrounds hold different perspectives.When it comes to me,I have to say that I disagree with this solution, because of the following reasons.

end of introduction

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Modern World History

[Kitosdad]

Introduction - Good............ish.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[DarkEdition]

I don't get it, how this forum http://handbagsforum.goldpiecexl.com can help me and the others, about essays?

[Ehsanzarin]

Hello everyone and specially Kitosdad!
Thanks for your reply.Today I have written another introduction.I will be glad if you study it and tell me my mistakes and also give me some more points about how to improve myself in this field better and better because I want a high score in IELTS writing.

Subject: Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia,Britain or America,in order to study at school , college or university.
Why do so many people want to study in English?

Introduction:
Does moving to English-speaking countries and studying in English provide high advantages?Different people will give different responses to this question from their own characters,emotional concerns and even educational backgrounds.However,as far as I am concerned, i believe that studying in English has lots of advantages for the following reasons.

End of introduction.

[Kitosdad]

Does moving to an English-speaking country and studying in English there really provide greater advantages?

Different people will give different responses to this question from their own point of view, which can sometimes be slanted with their own emotional concerns and even educational backgrounds.

However,as far as I am concerned,I believe that studying in an English speaking country does have a lot of advantages for the following reasons.

Try that. Kitosdad.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Kitosdad]

Nowadays, the need to contain the population explosion is considered as one of the primary concerns of some governments.

Amongst the many solutions that have been discussed and considered in recent years, has been the imposition of a higher tax band on people who exceed the Governments
guideline on this matter.

Different people from different educational backgrounds hold different perspectives on this idea.

My personal opinion is to strongly disagree with this solution, because of the following reasons.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Ehsanzarin]

Thanks a lot for your detailed responses.
But I have a few questions that are not clear for me.
1.My personal opinion is to strongly disagree with this solution.
I don't understand what grammar rule this sentence has used.
2.Don't you think that using expression population explosion is a little exaggeration.Do you think using this kind of expressions in IELTS exams is normal? think

[Ehsanzarin]

Thanks a lot for your detailed responses.
But I have a few questions that are not clear for me.
1.My personal opinion is to strongly disagree with this solution.
I don't understand what grammar rule this sentence has used.
2.Don't you think that using expression population explosion is a little exaggeration.Do you think using this kind of expressions in IELTS exams is normal? think

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Ehsanzarin,

Don't you think that using expression population explosion is a little exaggeration ?

Not really, given the fact that some governments are desperate to control the ever increasing birth rates in their country, hence the imposition of heavy taxing. Explosion does seem apt.

As to whether it is a normal expression in IELTS exams. I've no idea, nor does it concern me.

The purpose of MY essay would be to express MY opinion in MY words, and if it did not meet the approval of the examiners, then I would judge their opinion as contrary to mine, and nothing more.

It doesn't follow that they would not welcome a change of pace and thinking over the usual repetitive essays they have to sit through with boring regularity.

It's an essay, expressing YOUR opinion. Let it be so !
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.