TOEFL® essay: Many people have a close relationship with their pets.

[Nicooo]

Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their pets as member of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not?

Relationships to an animal are important to a lot of people due to strong reasons. An Animal can be the best friend of a person. Kids can learn a lot by having an animal. Old people need animals to feel not lonely and other people have pets as hobby or for doing sports. Animals are good for people of all age.

While kids are young they are able to learn. Especially when they are young and they have an animal they can learn and understand that animals have feelings and how to treat animals. They can learn what it means to be reliable for something that could not survive without them. They learn how to be regardful instead of the reckless behavior some kids have. Additionally they have something to play with. A dog or a cat can be a great friend.

When you become old and you are pensioner you won’t have a lot do to the whole day. Maybe you are already widow or widower then you might feel lonely, because there is no one who cares for you and there is nothing you can care for. Therefore old people can take advantages by having a strong relationship with a pet. A pet can keep old people active. They need to take a walk with their dogs or feed their cat. They have something around them to take care for and they may speak to their pets.

People in middle age can hold pets as a hobby or for doing sports. Some people with dogs have competitions in dog sports or join dog clubs. Moreover you can go jogging with your dog or play on the lawn. Other having fashion shows with their cats. People with horses can ride those in the sunny nature or train them for tournaments. A pet can enrich people’s life.

All things considered pets are quite important for people. Pets can teach people, they can be a friend or a sport partner. People that have a pet don’t want to miss it. Thus pets can become an emancipated member of the family.

I am not sure whether I can you the word "thus" in this way, can I?
Thank you for correcting my essay and your tips.

Another question I asked myself is, how can I improve my active vocabulary?
My passiv vocabulary is several times bigger than my active vocabulary

[Kitosdad]

My passive vocabulary is several times bigger than my active vocabulary.

Don't give it another thought. Your essays are coming along just fine.

Your use of " thus " is fine here.
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[Kitosdad]

Relationships with an animal is important to a lot of people for several reasons. An Animal can be the best friend of a person. Kids can learn a lot by having an animal as a pet . Old people need pets to stave off the feelings of loneliness in their homes. Some people keep pets as a hobby or for doing sports.

Animals are good for people of all ages. While kids are young they are able to learn, especially if they have an animal. They can learn and understand that animals have feelings, and how to treat and take care of them. They can learn what it means to be relied upon by something that could not survive without them.

They learn how to be respectful instead of repeating the reckless behaviour some kids have. Additionally they have something to play with. A dog or a cat can be a great friend.

When you become old and you are pensioner, you won’t have a lot do to the whole day. Maybe you are already a widow or widower, then you might feel lonely, because there is no one who cares for you and there is nothing you can care for. Therefore old people can take advantage of having a strong relationship with a pet. A pet can keep old people active. They need to take a walk with their dogs or feed their cat. They have something around them to care for and they often speak to their pets.

People in middle age can have pets as a hobby or for doing sports. Some people with dogs have competitions in dog sports or join dog clubs. Moreover you can go jogging with your dog or play with it on the lawn. Others have fashion shows with their cats. People with horses can ride them in the countryside, or train them for tournaments. A pet can certainly enrich people’s lives.

All things considered, pets are quite important for people. Pets can teach people, they can be a friend or a sports partner. People that have a pet don’t want to miss it. Thus pets can become an emancipated member of the family.
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[Nicooo]

Thank you!

why can I not say "due to strong reasons" in the first sentence? Is it wrong, or does it sound odd?

The most of my mistakes are careless mistakes... I should be more concentrated

[Kitosdad]

why can I not say "due to strong reasons" in the first sentence? Is it wrong, or does it sound odd?

Morning Nic, It does sound odd, but also you would need to clarify the strong reasons,
for example, a Doberman for protecting their property and person. No, it sounds odd.
Several reasons, are easier to explain.
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