TOEFL® essay: What is the best way to practice religion?

[Britesmile16]

Please do corrections in my essay.
This is my second post here, unfortunately there is no correction in my previous post.
What should I need to improve on?

Thanks so much

Topic: what is the best way practice religion?
Should we return to an active celebration with ecstatic
dances and trances, thoughtful contemplation guided
by a servant of God?

Religious practice unites one another, though every culture practices it in different ways. While some are comfortable through thoughtful contemplation guided by priests or ministers others practices an active celebration with joyful dances and trances. Religion is a personal and deep relationship with God, hence the best way to practice it is through thoughtful contemplation.

Others may argue that an active celebration with ecstatic dances and trances is the best way to practice religion, I find it hard to agree because I personally think that the best way to is through thoughtful contemplation guided by priests and other religious teachers. Religious knowledge maybe gained from religious leaders. These religious teachers provide insights on the depths of the teachings of the Holy Book, for instance they have deeper understanding of the content of Bible like the scriptures, for they spent years studying and contemplating its meaning thereby sharing it with the devout, consequently people guided by these teachers will acquire knowledge and at the same time reflect on it and apply it in daily life. An active celebration on the other hand diverts the true essence of religion, joyful dances can be confined to celebrations like wedding and birthdays.
The heart of religious practice is prayer, people pray everywhere even when not inside the church. Thoughtful contemplation done in reflective manner is more meaningful since religion is expressed on a personal level .. Silent retreat, for example, is a way of listening to oneself and talking directly to God, it is more focused. People pursuing personal relationship with God tend to improve relationship with themselves and with others. While dance and music are key components with religious practice it is more on communication with the spirits ,like paganism, rather than communicating with God.

The true essence of religion is through thoughtful contemplation in which there is a deeper and personal relationship with God , thus a meaningful life is achieved .

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History

[Kitosdad]

Quite good Brightsmile. A bit repetitive on some sentences, and sentence structure was a little loose, but pretty good.

The Bible ... anything written by man is open to the writers interpretation, therefore a belief in God is surely a giant leap into belief and having faith.

ps. I've just checked-out your first essay.

kitosdad.
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