TOEFL® essay: In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes...

[Nicooo]

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay:

The phenomenon why people live longer today than they did in the past has several obvious reasons. The improvements in the medical area including surgery and medicine are huge. People normally care about their food today and they take care of what they eat. A whole subculture of healthy living people grew up within the last two decades. In addition employees in the industrial and second world countries have health insurances. Therefore they can easily contact a doctor.

The medical area made big advances. Surgeons can handle difficult operations today, operation that might had killed the patient in the past. Surgeons are better educated and they often have better equipment for difficult operations. Through good research the medicine become more and more effective. Moreover it is possible to heal diseases with medicine today were doctors in the past had no medicine to heal them.

People take care of their food. A big sector of biological food grew up in the supermarkets and there are plenty of certificates that ensure that the food is not harmful. People try to eat healthy food and a lot of them are aware of the disadvantages of unhealthy food. The governments of different countries made policies to safe their citizens and forbad the usage of aggressive anti insect instruments while producing vegetable and other food. So the quality of food increased very well.

Health insurances are available for many people. Since the industrialization a lot has changed. Employees today are able to afford a health insurance, not in all countries around the world but in a great deal of them. For that reason people can visit and see a doctor easily and they go to see the doctor more often and frequently.

The efforts in research and education in the medical sector, the better quality of food and the availability of health insurance even for poor people made it possible, that people become considerably older today.

After some quite busy days I finally found time to write another essay. I thank you a lot for helping and correcting me.
Thanks
Nico

TOEFL listening discussions: How long should the student's essays be?

[Kitosdad]

The phenomenon as to why people are living longer today than they did in the past has several obvious reasons. The improvements in the medical area including surgery and medicine are huge. People normally care about their food today and they take care in regard to what they eat. A whole subculture of healthier living people has appeared in the last two decades. In addition employees in the industrial and second world countries have health insurances. Therefore they are able to easily contact a doctor.

The medical area has made amazing advances. Surgeons can handle difficult operations today, operations that might had killed the patient in the past. Surgeons are better educated and they often have better equipment for difficult operations. Through good research the medicines have become more and more effective. Moreover it is possible to heal diseases with medicine today were doctors in the past had no medicine to deal with them.

People take care of their food. A big sector of biological food has appeared in the supermarkets and there are plenty of safeguards that ensure that the food is not harmful. People try to eat healthy food and a lot of them are aware of the disadvantages of unhealthy food. The governments of different countries made policies to ensure the safety of their citizens and forbade the usage of aggressive anti-insect instruments while producing vegetables and other foods. So the quality of food has improved as well.

Health insurances are available for many people. Since the industrialization, a lot has changed. Employees today are able to afford a health insurance, not in all countries around the world but in a great deal of them. For that reason people can visit and see a doctor easily, and they go to see the doctor more often and frequently.

The efforts in research and education in the medical sector, the better quality of food and the availability of health insurance, even for poor people, has made it possible that people live to an older age than ever seemed possible before.


Hello Nic, the underlined segments are not needed. I do hope that you do not think I have taken too many liberties in my editing. It is a really good, concise essay, and you deserve a good mark for the work that you have put into it.

Kitosdad.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Nicooo]

Hi Kitostad,
I don't think that you took too many liberties, in contrast I thank you for your editing. You can cut right to the chase of the matter and that's what I am trying to learn. Thus I can see how to do it. I appreciate any of your comments a lot!

I have two points I don't feel familiar with. The first is when do I have to use

have become and when become?

and the second point is why can I not write that quality increased? Is it not possible in English?

When should I use increased and when improved then?

[Kitosdad]

Hi Nic, sorry for the late reply. Only got back from England yesterday evening.

" why can I not write that quality increased? "

Nic, you cannot INCREASE quality, you can only improve it. To increase is to produce the yield, or manufacture more. This has no connection with quality.

You could say that production increased with an accompanying improvement in quality.
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I view became as past tense, and become as present tense. Perhaps Alan might correct me on this.

" He became famous as a songwriter in the early twenties. "

" He has recently become well known for his novels."

" He will become famous in the very near future, because he is so gifted."

Nice to back in the fold. I missed the Forum these passed few days. Bill.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Nicooo]

Well, I always though that would work but I'll accept that quality can't be increased. ;-)

I understood your examples referring to "become" and "have become" but I am not sure I understood the rules they follow.

Do I have to use "have become" if something recently happend? So if it is in the past and the normal "become" if it happens in the present?

I have another question. I am preparing for the speaking section and the preperation time is 15 respectively 30 sec.
But I can't hardly find my arguments so fast... Do you have any useful tips expect practice?
I know it is all about practice but time flies!

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Nic.

" But I can't hardly find my arguments so fast..."

:) :) You will, I just know you will. You are THAT good.

I have given you the only " rules " that I use. I really was hoping that Alan would add to my miserable offering. Perhaps you could post the question on the grammar section.

Bill.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Nicooo]

That is easy to say :wink:
How to answer these stupid questions with a prep. time of 15 sec. ?

1.Name a famous or influential figure who has inspired you. Describe this person and say why he/she has been inspirational to you.
2. Describe a resource that helped you to do something better than before. Describe it and explain why it was helpful to you.
3. What is your most useful study aid? Describe it and explain why it is useful in helping you to study.

I am not even able to talk about that question for 45 sec. in my native language... :roll: Maybe I just should imagine sth. in case they will use a kind of question like these.

The integrated speaking questions are still hard for me too but not as hard as the free ones.

[Kitosdad]

Nic,

1) Should be easy. Alan fits the bill. He has inspired you, and thousands of others I'm sure.

2) ESL Forum. You owe it all to them.

3) Computer has to be a cert.

Easy Peasy.

Bill.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.