TOEFL® essay: Think of a technological advance that has made a big difference...

[Weiyi1123]

I would be very happy if someone could point out any grammer error and show me how to correct it. I desperatly need help in improving my writing skill, so it is very important for me to receive a feedback on my essay. Thank you very much!

Assignment 8:
think of a technological advance that has made a big difference in your life. Did it seem important when you first heard of it? What convinced you of its importance?

As we enter the new century, more and more advanced technologies emerge. Advanced technologies bring many conveniences to people’s life. Of course, the advanced technology also affects my life deeply. For example, flash drive is a useful tool that plays an important role in my study. However, when seeing the “flash drive” for the first time, I thought that small and fragile thing would never be useful to me. But as soon as I got into High School; I realized how convenience and useful is a flash drive can be.

First, a flash driver helps me organize my homework well. After getting into high school, I get more frustrated to organize my homework. My homework always seems like a “melting pot” in my binder or in my school bag. Sometimes I loss my homework and as a result, I miss to hand in my homework on time. After seeing me having a hard time to organize my homework, my father suggests me to use a flash drive. At first, I don’t trust that little thing. It is so small and fragile, and I don’t know how it can be helpful to me. However, after trying to use it for a few times, I fall in love with the flash drive. Instead of carrying a stack of paper to school, I put all my written assignments in my flash drive. Whenever my teachers require us to hand in homework assignments, I just simply plug my flash drive into a computer and print it out, instead of searching it through my school bag. Furthermore, after starting using a flash drive, I never hand my homework late in class.

Second, a flash drive saves me much time in my study. For example, my English teacher always requires students in my class to proofread or edit each other’s essay in class. For some students, they make corrections on their classmates’ papers in an “illegible way”. It is not because their handwritings are unreadable; but because the corrections that they make on others’ paper are messy. I, however, don’t have that kind of problem because other people can use a computer to edit my essay, which I always saved on my flash drive. As a result, I don’t need to retype or correct my errors at home. I can finish it all in my class.

Even though I don’t trust the ability of the flash drive when I first see it, I realize that the flash drive can be very useful in many ways. Not only can a flash drive keep my school assignments organized, but it can also save me much time to do homework. Thanks to the invention of flash drive, without it, I will not excel in my classes.

[Janna Bs.]

unfortunately, i can't. apparently, i have the same problem. my essay is due this week. one sentence baffles me a lot. i am just trying to be consistent with verb tenses. in the sentence "The critic mistakenly argues that Bartleby is the passive rebel who is “enslaved” by bourgeois society," what tense should i choose? The critic mistakenly argues that Bartleby is the passive rebel who has been “enslaved” by bourgeois society. Is not "has been" more correct, is it?
thanks for your help!

[Kitosdad]

As we enter the new century, more and more advanced technologies emerge. Advanced technologies bring many conveniences to people’s (lives)life. Of course, the advanced technology also affects my life deeply. For example, flash drive is a useful tool that plays an important role in my study (studies).

However, When seeing the “flash drive” for the first time, I thought that small and fragile thing would never be useful to me. But as soon as I got into (entered) High School I realized how convenience (convenient) and useful a flash drive can (would) be.

First, a flash driver helps me organize my homework well. After getting into (Since entering) high school, I get more frustrated to organize (in organising )my homework. My homework always seems like a “melting pot” in my binder or in my school bag. Sometimes I loss (lose) my homework and as a result, I miss to (fail to) hand in my homework on time.

After seeing me having (trouble in) a hard time to organizing my homework, my father suggests me to (suggested that I) use a flash drive. At first, I (didn't) don’t trust that little thing. It (was) is so small and fragile, and I (didn't) don’t know how it (could) can be helpful to me. However, after trying to use it for a few times, I (fell) fall in love with the flash drive. Instead of carrying a stack of paper to school, I put all of my written assignments in my flash drive. Whenever my teachers require us to hand in homework assignments, I just simply plug my flash drive into a computer and print it out, instead of searching for it through my school bag. Furthermore, after starting using a flash drive, I never again hand my homework late in class.

Second, a flash drive saves me much time in my study. For example, my English teacher always requires students in my class to proof-read or edit each other’s essays in class. For Some students, they make corrections on their classmates’ papers in an “illegible way”. It is not because their handwritings are (is)unreadable; but because the corrections that they make on others’ paper are messy. I however, don’t have that kind of problem because other people can use a computer to edit my essay, which I always save on my flash drive. As a result, I don’t need to retype or correct my errors at home. I can finish it all in my class.

Even though I (didn't) don’t trust the ability of the flash drive when I first (saw) see it, I realize that the flash drive can be very useful in many ways. Not only can a flash drive keep my school assignments organized, but it can also save me (lots of time when doing my) much time to do homework. Thanks to the invention of flash drive, without it, I (would) will not excel in my classes.

Underlined not needed.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Weiyi1123]

Thank you for taking the time to edit my essay! I appreciate it alot!

Sincerely
Weiyi

[Kitosdad]

Good morning, it was my pleasure to do so.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.