TOEFL® essay: Some people think students should be encouraged to compete while...

[Steven1815]

Some people think students should be encouraged to compete while others think they should be taught to cooperate with other students. Discuss.

It is commonly deemed that education has undergone unprecedented progress in this era, which bestowed marked benefits upon the well-being of the entire human race. While the world is cheerfully celebrating achievements, some are showing concern about this issue, asserting that students should cooperate with others when learning, rather compete with their classmates. From my perspective, I agree with this view, but with reservations.

It is manifest that in the process of learning, cooperation may result in numerous benefits. As an old saying goes:” two heads are better than one.” History has shown, for instance, Karl Marx, one of the greatest political figures, has not finished his world renowned masterpiece until Engels came to help him. In addition, cooperation is able to make young adult prepare for their future life. The student becomes better at problems solving, critical thinking with the help of communication. Lastly, students should be granted the right to brainstorm while dealing with some case studies; therefore, there is no denying that the students’ right for cooperation would be deprived.

However, cooperation does not come without drawbacks. To illustrate, students are more likely to rely upon their fellow classmates unconsciously, if too many group discussions are provided. Consequently, it is necessary to encourage young students to compete with others. Undeniably, through competition, adolescents’ disadvantages are easily exposed to the light of day, which may promote their motivations to catch up with each other and become better not only in study, but also in other sides of life.

To make final analysis, I am convinced that the boons brought by cooperation far outweigh the banes. However, competition is an indispensable way of schooling. It will no longer be replaced by cooperation.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students (1)

[Kitosdad]

That's a lot better Steven, and I smiled to see your use of the " time-saving" first paragraph. Pity the manifest is still incorrect. If you plan to use it a lot, then best modify the whole sentence.

Well done. Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Steven1815]

thanks, it might be better if i say
manifestly, in the process of learning,cooperation may result in numerous benefits.