TOEFL® essay example: Problems that affect my country

[Sherifatbidemi]

My country is one of the developing countries in Africa. It has almost all the problems that is peculiar to the developing countries. The first problem that is cancerworm which has eaten deep to the fabrics of the country's development is bribery and corruption. This cut across all the social classes starting from the uppermost to the lowest class. The politicians are the major offender. Society also have major influence in this. It is expected that somebody that is in power must be able to meet all the needs of the people irrespective of whether there is enough in government pause or not. The precident laid by the sponsorer of the politician is overwhelming, anybody that is sponsored is expected to be paying certain percentage to them when they get into power. All in all the above factors had contributed to the major corruption that occured in the country. The secönd problem is overpopulation. The population in the country is not controlled and this has lead to overcrowding, communicable diseases, mass unemployment, increased in crime rate amidst other numerous problem. The third problem is political instability, day in day out there is pandemonium and crisis in one or two sections of the country with problem of political assasination, electoral riging and adoption which jeopardises the effort of government in concentrating and focusing on development and progress of the country. In conclusion, the aforemention problems had contributed greatly to the regression of country's progress. Somebody should please help me correct my write up. Thank you.

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Sherifatbidemi, a good essay that needs only a few minor alterations.
I like your forthright manner. It's obvious that you have a good eye for what is going on around you.

If no-one else has edited your work, I will be glad to do so later today. In the meantime,
WELL DONE.

Kitos.

ps. You really should have posted this on the " Essays " thread. It would get faster attention there.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Sherifatbidemi]

Thank you Kitosdad, looking forward to receive from you.

[Kitosdad]

My country is one of the developing countries in Africa. It has almost all of the problems that are peculiar to the developing countries. The first problem that has eaten deep into the fabric of the country's development, is bribery and corruption. This cuts across all of the social classes, starting from the uppermost to the lowest class.

The politicians are the major offenders. Society also plays a major part in this. It is expected that somebody that is in power must be able to meet all the needs of the people irrespective of whether there is enough in the government purse or not. The precedent laid down by the sponsor of the politician is overwhelming. Anybody who is sponsored is expected to pay a certain percentage back to them when they get into power.

All in all, the above factors have contributed to the major corruption that occurred in the country. The second problem is overpopulation. The population in the country is not controlled, and this has lead to overcrowding, communicable diseases, mass unemployment, increasing crime rates amidst other numerous problems.

The third problem is political instability. Day in day out there is pandemonium and crisis in one or two sections of the country, with assassinations, electoral rigging and adoption, all taking place, which jeopardises the efforts of the government in concentrating and focusing on development and progress of the country. In conclusion, the aforementioned problems have contributed greatly to the regression of country's progress.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.