TOEFL® essay examples: Qualities of ideal neighbor

[Mahesh1]

Every Human being is a social animal and just because of that everyone is a neighbor of others. An ideal means a model of perfection or standard and that should be imitate by others.it's seem difficult to find out a neighbor that fits to this definition.besides that there are some of qualities that might be expected in ideal neighbor.

An ideal neighbor is one who lives close to us but not too close.that means,a neighbor should not give a scrutinize attention in the life of others.they should not intrude in the life of other peoples.

second thing is,they should respect others( their neighbors). look at the hypothetical example,assume that one is acutely suffering from the headache and their neighbor constantly play mp3 player very loudly,even in the late night.does it seems rational? the should be certainly no.they can enjoy enjoy with somewhat low volume music or with the headphone.

thirdly,they should be responsible. some of acts must be done with the good cooperation with the neighbor.for instance, the maintenance of streets or if there is any anti-social elements causing embarassement.they should discuss the problem with each other and then they should find out an appropriate solution for that.

so,i think an ideal neighbor should not protrude their head in the life of other people,they should respect their neighbor,should be responsible.In one sentence we can say that "good fence make good neighbor'.

[Mahesh1]

please grade my essay out of 30. i have toefl exam on 27 june.

[Kitosdad]

Mahesh, as a written essay I would say that you would be lucky to be awarded twenty points.

Note how you start many sentences with lower case letters.

Your use of full stops where they are not required.

As a spoken subject, then you should get above twenty, because your reading would obviously conceal many of these mistakes.

However, a decent enough essay.

Kitosdad.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Mahesh1]

Thanks kitosdad.
next time will do my best.

[Kitosdad]

Mahesh, save your best for the test. Just concentrate on the errors I have mentioned and you will pick up an extra five points.
Don't just say you will do it ...... really do it!.

Kitosdad.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Kitosdad]

Humans are social animals and because of that everyone is a neighbour of others. An ideal means a model of perfection or standard and that should be imitated by others.It seems difficult to find a neighbour that fits this definition.
Besides that these are some of qualities that might be expected in an ideal neighbour.

An ideal neighbour is one who lives close to us, but not too close.
That means,a neighbour should not scrutinize the lives of others.
They should not intrude into the life of other people.

Second thing is,they should respect others( their neighbours).
Look at this hypothetical example; Assume that one is suffering from an acute headache and their neighbour constantly plays his mp3 player very loudly,even late at night.
Does it seems rational? They should certainly know that they can enjoy their player with somewhat lower volume music or with wearing their headphones.

Thirdly, they should be responsible. Some things must be done with the cooperation of their neighbours. For instance, the maintenance of their streets, or if there are any anti-social elements causing embarrassment, they should discuss the problem with each other and then they should find out an appropriate solution for that.

So, I think an ideal neighbour should not poke their nose into the life of other people. They should respect their neighbour,and they should be responsible.

In one sentence we can say that "a good fence make for a good neighbour'.
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Not ideal, but a lot better than it was. Please think about what I have said if you really want to do good in your test. It's your future, not mine.

Kitosdad.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Mahesh1]

Thanks kitosdad for your great reply,I have eliminated this mistakes in the following essay.please give me an appropriate suggestions about that..I am waiting for your reply...

topic- Children should start to learn foreign languages as they begin to go school.


Children are like empty vessels.They will learn quickly whatever they read,see or hear from the surrounding environment.Because of this trait of the children,probably they can learn foreign languages very quickly.However,this act may harm the certain other aspects of the children.There are many reasons to prevent the early exposure of the children as they start their academic.

First,any exotic language can be built on the solid foundation of the native language. For instance,assume that a german child want to learn the english.Will it be easy to directly learn the english without the enough knowledge of the german.Certainly, the answer will be "no".It is advisable to learn native language first,than move to the foreign language.

Second,this act may actually going to hamper the child's development.If a spanish child is learning chinese at the age of the six,would it be properly communicate with their friends who are totally ill-literate about the chinese?It's seems like a man going to put his lag in to the two shoes simultaneously.All this ultimately affect the child's mental development.He/She might feel isolated from the others.

Third,would it truly necessary to engage the child in the study of foreign language at so early age?There is no need to give this extra burden over the children.This is an age of enjoying the games and the other activities.Probably there is no need to give foreign education at so early age.

To sum up,Foreign language will be helpful to the student to grow up as an member of international family.Education at the so early age,however,will not provide any benefit to the child rather than it hamper the child's development. child will be like a bicycle with only one paddle,it may work but not properly.

[PLEASE GRADE MY ESSAY OUT OF 30]
WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY....SINCERELY.

[Kitosdad]

That was a great improvement Mahesh, and I would give you 25 points were I to be the tester.

You still have a few faults, most noticeably, the absence of capital letters when referring to nationalities.

German, English, Spanish, Chinese. Keep this in mind. It is important.

A great effort.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Mahesh1]

I am very glad to receive your answer.Your suggestion about capital latter will be helpful to me to bring top marks in real toefl exam.
Hats of to you...
Thanks a lot..