TOEFL® essay: The most significant problem that the world is faced with?

[Darkangel12891]

Recently, world has endure a chain of difficult events involving in terrorism, diseases such as the Flu H1N1 or fierce disasters, causing lots of bad impacts on human being. However, I seemly deem that the most important event is the cold war among countries since it results in those countries vital problems and also claim to be faced with world war if there is no reach to an agreement.

The first thing to be mentioned is the economy decreasing. These day, as the amount of minerals, especially fossil fuel-so called “black gold”-, is emptying because of the over-exploitation and the changes of our ecological system, some powerful countries such as USA, England, etc, are tending to make the most of the nuclear weapon of some Asian countries to invade them so that they can make benefit from their invasions. Consequently, what would those countries residents be if those countries are being invaded? Their life will be covered with pain and be lacked of some fundamental things such as food, drug. They have to stay at home to avoid bombing and their children are lost their chances to go to school. If the war lasts for a long time, it of course damage badly both physicality and monetary.

Besides, these serious atmospheres are so called timed-bombing since some countries are in tendency of escaping from the connection to other famous countries. Iran takes place as an example of these issues, they oppose the USA as being claimed to have nuclear development, they said that they will escape from USA to their relationship, and thus easily result in a foreboding war latter.

In conclusion, I totally believe that the road attacking the terrorism is pointless if these things still continue widespread. Thus, the world wide organizations must have some of vital policies in order to keep our world in peace and happiness.

[Happytofita]

Hello,

I think you have a serious organization problem. You can easily avoid that. The topic is about the most difficult problems the world is facing now. In the introduction, you talked about terrorism and swine flu. In the body, I expect you to talk about them in depth, but you did not do that. You talked about other problems, which is bad. Also, try not to over egg the pudding. Just choose two problems and focus on them. For example, terrorism and swine flu. Talked about the former in the first paragraph of the body, and the latter in the second paragraph. In the conclusion, just restate what you said in the introduction. Now, rewrite the essay and focus on the things I have just written.

Good luck.

: o)

[Darkangel12891]

thank you, i have been off my topic right? I will re-write it.

[Darkangel12891]

However, Happytofita, Flu H1N1, dieases.. take place as examples only. What i concern about is cold war among countries.Does i support the true hook?

[Darkangel12891]

I rewrote it:

Recently, world has endure a chain of difficult events involving in terrorism, diseases,etc,causing lots of bad impacts on human being.

Is it true?:d

[Happytofita]

DarkA, what do you mean by

[Darkangel12891]

i mean "of"

[Happytofita]

To the best of my belief, the most difficult problems the world is facing now are terrorism and fatal diseases like AIDS. In this essay, I will firstly talk about terroism and then discuss AIDS, the incurable disease.

The first paragraph: Write about terrorism and why you consider it the most difficult problem.

The second paragraph: Write about AIDS and why you consider it the most difficult problem.

The aforesaid things are the cradle of my belief that terrorism and AIDS are the toughest problems we are facing nowadays. We must work together to over come these two hurdles to better our lives.

Write the first and the second paragraph and post it here.

Good Luck.

: o)