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TOEFL® essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips



 
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TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips #1 (permalink) Sun Jun 21, 2009 16:13 pm   TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips
 

Can anyone check my paragraph for grammer,spelling, and punctuation , Please ?
Thanks in advance.

“One of My Exciting School Trips”

I still remembered, one of my school trips which was exciting and unforgettable.
When I was in grade four, I went to four days school trip to South India, with my classmates and teachers. I was so excited, because it was my first experience to stay away from my home for four consecutive days. Besides, my nature was shy, and I was not used to take care of my stuff. Therefore, my teacher had helped me much time, during those four days. Moreover, during those four days school trip, I learned number of thing that can helpful in anyone’s routing life. For example, I learned how to communicate with others. I also learned about to take care of my personal belongings. In fact, I became more responsible during those four days. In addition to that, school trip taught me to talk with other people, how to make friends, and to share my things with them. As a result of that trip, I was able to make many good friend; some of them are still my best friend. After my four days trip, I was realized first time that how many hardship my parents are carries everyday to take care of me. Thus, during my four days school trip to South India, I learned many basic and valuable thing, which became useful for my whole life. During that trip, I became more responsible with lots of self-confidence. In conclusion, my school trip to South India was exciting and unforgettable because during that trip, I learned many good things; those are still useful in my life.

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Paresh
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Joined: 30 May 2009
Posts: 7

Can anyone check my paragraph for grammer , speeling, and punctuation? #2 (permalink) Sun Jun 21, 2009 17:26 pm   Can anyone check my paragraph for grammer , speeling, and punctuation?
 

I still remember one of my school trips which was exciting and unforgettable.
When I was in grade four, I went on a four days school trip to South India with my classmates and teachers. I was so excited, because it was my first experience to stay away from my home for four consecutive days.

Besides, I was shy by nature, and I was not used to taking care of my stuff.
Therefore, my teacher helped me for much of the time during those four days. Moreover, during those four days school trip, I learned a number of things that can be helpful in anyone’s routing life.

For example, I learned how to communicate with others. I also learned about how to take care of my personal belongings. In fact, I became more responsible during those four days. In addition to that, the school trip taught me to talk with other people, how to make friends, and to share my things with them.

As a result of that trip, I was able to make many good friends. Some of them are still my best friends. After my four days trip, I realized for the first time just how many hardships my parents face every day in taking care of me. Thus, during my four days school trip to South India, I learned many basic and valuable things, which became useful during my whole life. During that trip, I became more responsible and gained lots of self-confidence.

In conclusion, my school trip to South India was exciting and unforgettable because during that trip, I learned many things that are still useful in my life.

Paresh, the essay is OK. No spelling mistakes, but too repetitive in mentioning
" four-days."

Kitosdad.
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Kitosdad
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TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips #3 (permalink) Sun Jun 21, 2009 19:13 pm   TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips
 

Thanks, Kitosdad for your quick reply again !
Paresh
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Joined: 30 May 2009
Posts: 7

TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips #4 (permalink) Sun Jun 21, 2009 19:42 pm   TOEFL essay sample: One of My Exciting School Trips
 

Always a pleasure.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
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Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13509
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

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