Writing: Have you earned your new car already? I mean, I wonder why I haven't...

[Fan Of Arabian Horses]

Hi all,

I´d like if anybody would proveread the following letter and suggested some betterings.

Dear Mr. .......

how are you? From what I´ve heard you´re quite busy.

Have you earned your new car already? I mean, I wonder why I haven´t heard straightly from you again. Or what has been wrong with our offers for the heatexchanger? Were them too expensive? It has just been a suggestion and while our personal talk I have got the impression that you didn´t fear some higher costs for the exchangers. Thus we tried to offer you an exchanger concept which includes the complete air-heating -incl. a controll system for the steam supply-. That means it was (allowedly) expensive. On the other hand the first offer you have received was written by somewhat unexperienced colleagues here and I corrected the costs to the half for you. Seemingly it wasn´t lowered enough so that we need to see what we can do in order to come to a solution which meets your requests better. We, of course,keep being ready for that demand. Please, let me know what you think.

Kind Regards

...........

Thanks in advance

Michael

[Alan]

Hi Michael,

Some suggested 'improvements'-

Dear Mr. .......

How are you? From what I´ve heard you´re quite busy.

Have you ALREADY earned your new car ? I mean, I wonder why I haven't heard DIRECT from you again. Or IS THERE ANYTHING wrong with our offers for the heatexchanger? Were THEY too expensive? It WAS just a suggestion and DURING our personal talk I got the impression that you WEREN'T WORRIED ABOUT ANY higher costs for the exchangers. Thus we tried to offer you an exchanger PROPOSAL which includes complete airCONDITIONING?? AS WELL AS a controll system for the steam supply-. That means it was (ADMITTEDLY) expensive. On the other hand the first offer you received was written by somewhat INexperienced colleagues here and I AMENDED the costs to half PRICE for you. APPARENTLY it wasn't REDUCED enough so that we need to see what we can do in order to come to a solution which meets your requests better. We AREof course ALWAYS ready for SUCH A REQUEST. Please, let me know what you think.

Kind Regards

Hope this helps

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A day in the life of a policeman