IELTS essays: Some people believe that children are given too much free time.

[Farheen]

Hello All

Can anyone please suggest about these two essays. I have to sit for IELTS, could you please tell me what band I can get for the essay I wrote.

Thanks
Farheen Abid

First Essay

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.
How do you think children should spent their free time.

It is considered by some people that children would get leisure hours more than they need and school work have to do in this time. In my opinion, children utilizing their leisure time in an effective way lead to positive attitude and constructive mind.

Playing games are important for brain development and physical strength. However, children use their free time by many other productive means too.

Firstly, more school work would bored students from study which may cause deterioration in the results of examination. On the other hand, children can use their free time in a way that they can enjoy activities as well as learn new things. For example, students may perform some science experiment of their own interest or involve in gardening to explore about various plants.

Secondly, parents can play an indispensable role by taking their kids to trip to another city or different locations where they would have good time with family and would get knowledge about various places.Furthermore, school could take their students to places like museum, factories etc where they relate the real stuffs with their studies. It causes their mind to developed in a more better way.

Next, children can take part in community work which is useful for children to understand the requirement of the people as well as they would become a good citizen. In addition, they can handle responsibility more efficiently and effectively in the future.

To conclude it all, I suggest that it is good to have free time for the school-going children. However, it is the duty of parents and school that they provide positive ways to kids so that they would become a good person. Children could become a productive and effective members of the society by spending their time in a fruitful tasks which give them amusement as well as opportunity to explore the world.

Second Essay

People believe earning good salary in a job is more important than satisfaction, but people who get satisfaction from their work are more useful to the society. Explain your ideas.
Some people consider that high paid job is more essential than satisfaction in the job. I suppose happiness within mind of peopleis indispensable for the progress of the country.

First of all, if employees are contented with the type of tasks they have to done, they would become a productive member of the company. In addition, their satisfied mind is benificial for the positive development of the country.

Secondly, productivity in the job causes improved performance as well as chance to get promoted hence good salary. Due to this fact, person can be more happy and contented which make him a useful citizen of the society.

Lastly, satisfaction in the job may lead to happy life and he can enjoy good time with his family. In contrast, person who are not contented with their work would have unpleasant environment at home because of work stress. So, good money is of no use without satisfaction.

In summary, contentment with the work is more essential than good pay due to the reason that it would produce more effective member of the society. Moreover, due to good family life, whole family turn out to be a good citizen and efficient of the country. It leads to the positive growth and constructive development of the country.

[Farheen]

Hello All

I took IELTS test but I still need your opinion about my essays. Could you please guide me?

Thanks and Regards
Farheen