TOEFL® essay: What do you want to change in your hometown?

[Blackswallow]

What do I want to change in my hometown? I am living in Vietnam, a developing country, the living condition here is still poor in comparison with other countries. Although I am living in the capital, I think that the government still does not invest enough money on improving educational system; the environtmental polution is not in control; old people still does not get enough attention. These are what I would like to make changes in my hometown
Fistly, I want to government pay more money on education. There are so many school that do not have enough equipment for pupils practice in the labortory. The study program is quite boring because the school does not have budget for extra-curicular activities. If the children get better facility, I think they can have much better result and more interest in learning
Secondly, I want the government enforce the rules protecting the environtment. It is in very bad condition right now. The air is so dusty because the heavy duty track and other transportations. Parks and rivers are polated by people leaving waste everywhere. I think the government should forbid the heavy track access the cappital and have some kings of financial penalty to someone not put waste in the right place
Lastly, old people should get more attention from government. Some old people near my house do not have pension and even do not have a house to live but they still have not received any help from the government. If possible, I hope that they will build a house for homeless old people.
There are a lot of thing need to be changed in my hometown. Also everyone need to be involved in doing that to make a big movement. In my opinion, I believe that improving in education, environtmental protecting and taking more care to old people will make my hometown become a perfect place to live for everyone who has been there

[Blackswallow]

I finished this essay within 35'. Too bad, and now I am gonna correct my errors by myself like the way Kitosdad did for me on others essay

What do I want to change in my hometown? I am living in Vietnam, a developing country, the living condition here is still poor in comparison with other countries. Although I am living in the capital, I think that the government still does not invest enough money on improving educational system; the environtmental (environmental) polution (pollution) is not in control; old people still does (do) not get enough attention. These are what I would like to make changes in my hometown

Fistly (firstly), I want to(the) government pay more money on education. There are so many school(s) that do not have enough equipment for pupils practice in the labortory (laboratory). The study program is quite boring because schools does (do) not have budget for extra-curi(r)cular activities. If the children get better facility, I think they can have much better result and more interest in learning

Secondly, I want the government enforce the rules that protect the environtment(environment). It is in very bad condition right now. The air is so dusty because (of) the heavy duty track and other transportations. Parks and rivers are po(l)lated by people leaving waste everywhere. I think the government should forbid the heavy track access(ing) the capital and have some kings(kinds) of financial penalty to someone (do) not put waste in the right place

Lastly, old people should get more attention from (the) government. Some old people near my house do not have pension and even do not have a house to live but they still have not received any help from the government. If possible, I hope that they will build a house for homeless old people.
There are a lot of thing(s) need to be changed in my hometown. Also everyone need to be involved in doing that to make a big movement. In my opinion, I believe that improving in education, environtmental protecting and taking more care to old people will make my hometown become a perfect place to live for everyone who has been there

As I went over my essay, I found out I was very confused in using article. There is also something that I am not sure if it is correct or not. please help me if possible. Thanks in advance

[Kitosdad]

What do I want to change in my home-town? I am living in Vietnam, a developing country. (T)he living condition(s) here (are) still poor in comparison with other countries. Although I am living in the capital, I think that the government still does not invest enough money on improving (the)educational system; the environmental pollution is not in control; old people still (do) not get enough attention. These are (the changes that) I would like to make in my home-town.

Fistly, I want (the) Government (spend) more money on education. There are so many school(s) that do not have enough equipment for pupils (to) practice (with)in the laboratory. The study program is quite boring because the school does not have budget for extra-curricular activities.
If the children get better facilit(ies), I think they (will) have much better result(s) and (have) more interest in learning.

Secondly, I want the government (to) enforce the rules (in regard to)protecting the environment. It is in very bad condition right now. The air is so dusty because (of) the heavy duty track and other transportations. Parks and rivers are polluted by people leaving waste everywhere. I think the government should forbid the heavy track (having) access (into) the capital and have some kinds of financial penalty (imposed on anyone who does) not put waste in the right place.

Lastly, old people should (have) more attention from (the) Government. Some old people near my house do not have (a) pension ,nor do they have a house to live, but they still have not received any help from the Government.
If possible, I hope that they will build a house for homeless old people.

There are a lot of thing(s that) need to be changed in my home-town. Also everyone need(s) to be involved in doing that to make a big movement.

In my opinion, I believe that improv(ments) in education, environmental protecting and taking more care (of) old people will make my home-town become a perfect place to live for everyone who (lives) there.

Obvious absence of full stops at the end of paragraphs. ( Basic English.)
Nice intelligent essay BS. Well done.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Blackswallow]

Thank you so much, Kitos. If I had not run out of time, there would not been that much errors