TOEFL® essay example: In what ways are computers a hindrance

[Mallika_Bkk]

I got this task from the school. Thank you for reading and leaving comment and correction.

Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in todays's world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them.
- In what ways are computers a hindrance
- What is your opinion?

Nowadays we can see computers increase their popularity; however, using computer too much may lead to negative results. Some people believe that computers have more adverse effects than their helps while others comment that computers are necessary. In my opinion, although computers are sometimes a hindrance, they can make our lives become easier in many ways.
Many years ago people start to realize that computers bring many disadvantages to our lives. For example, computers cause many social problems. Computer game addiction is one of the most important disturbance affecting children and young adults in many regions. Computer-related crimes are increasing and threatening our privacy protections. Many jobs are permanently replaced by computers so, millions of people become unemployed. In addition, some people also aware of adverse effects to heath that are caused by computers. For example, overuse of the computer may lead to cervical spine degenerative disease, eye strain, and prolong UV exposure from the computer screen. For those possible negative effects of computers, some people feel it is serious enough to consider computers as a hindrance.
Despite its many troubles, as far as I am concerned, there are many advantages derived from computers that can outweigh their bad effects. Computers have important roles in many aspects. Communication is easier and faster by the application of computers. Many information and knowledge can be transferred to distance places around the world within seconds. Furthermore, people can use computers as a learning tool. Computers provide a variety of learning program which either seek to teach or reinforce basic skills in math, language, reading, and other subjects. Besides their usefulness in work and education, computers can be the entertainers. A number of people use computers for watching movies and listening to music. In my view, using computers can be safe for people if they use them with carefulness.
In conclusion, while some people are concerned about harms made by computers, I believe we can use computers in effective and positive ways. Realizing the adverse effects, the limitation of computers and the limitation of human body are needed to be in mind when using computers.

[Gray]

Negatives -- addiction, health and social problems, unemployment...

Positives -- faster communication, sharing of knowledge and information, entertainment, excellent learning aid...

I am just going back to what you would have thought before writing this essay. You do have a lot to write, a little bit of organization would make it an even better read.

[I am neither a native speaker nor a teacher but appeared for TOEFL once and since then I never thought of leaving
this forum ]
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First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Kitosdad]

Gray, your company is well appreciated. Your observations ever astute, and your quips, hilarious, although one has to often read between the lines to appreciate them.

Your old friend Kitos.

ps. How about you writing a little story?
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Gray]

[Kitosdad]

You don't call 70 old????????????????????????? Thanks.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Gray]

[Mallika_Bkk]

Thank you for your suggestions