English in Jokes from the teacher-polyglot

[Olpalmail]

***
One day a student asked the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:
“How can one become a wise and talented person?”
“First of all, one should hand his soul to God,” advised the teacher.
“But, how can the wise become a rich person?”
“Well, to become rich the one should change his mind and sell his soul profitably to devil.”

***
“Whom does God love better: the wise or the fools?” a pupil asked the teacher-polyglot.
“God loves all of us equally,” the teacher replied.
“Why do the fools live better than the wise?”
“The wise enjoy wisdom, the fools enjoy money. That’s why God gives wisdom for the wise and money for the fools.”

***
The teacher-polyglot met his former student:
“What do you do?”
“I do nothing,” the lad shrugged his shoulders.
“Why don’t you do anything?”
“That is because I don’t have anytime to do something.”

***
Once a man disappointed in marriage asked the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:
“Why are girls so beautiful, so charming, so clever like angels, but women so bad, so boring, and so stupid like witches?”
“That is because God created the girl, and the man made the woman from the girl,” explained the teacher.

***
A school-girl of the eighth grade came to the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk for consultation in English. The teacher was in high spirits and smiling.
“What has happened?” inquired the student.
“A colleague of mine has told me a joke,” explained the teacher.
“Can you tell me it?” asked the girl.
“You see,” the teacher hesitated, “this joke is not to be told to kids.”
“OK,” said the school-girl. “I won’t tell kids your joke.”

***
Some teachers were talking about richness, poverty and kindness.
“Only a poor man can be kind - he may share what he possesses with others,” said one woman, who was a true Christian. “But I have never heard that a rich man would really share his property with others.”
“When you have nothing,” remarked the teacher-polyglot. ”You always want to share it with others.”

***
Once the teacher-polyglot was asked:
“Can one speak some foreign languages under the influence of the Holy Spirit, as it was written in “the Acts of Apostles”?
“Yes, one can,” said the teacher. “But, then only the Holy Spirit will understand the one."

[Jamie (K)]

These must be much funnier in their original language.