TOEFL® essay: Should teenager work when they are students

[Blackswallow]

It takes me more 50 minutes to finish this essay. Too bad, please give me any comment on this. Thank u so much

Should teenagers work when they are student ? I think they should. Despite the fact that working will take their time from studying but looking at what they will get from it, I think it is worthy. Working does not only provide teenager with more knowledge and experience, but also help them to learn how to be more responsible. Moreover, they earn money and get more experience from working, to some degree, that will make them become more confident.

First, taking a part time job in any area will all bring teenager more knowledge of that field. As they work as a waiter, they will learn how to run a restaurant . As they work as a saler, they will learn how to deal with costumer. Furthermore, they get more living experience, communication skill, all the necessities that they could not found in any book.

Second, working is a wonderful chance for teenager to get familiar with being in charge of something. As students, teenager do not get any penalty for not completing their assignment. But when they have a job, they have to complete their task, otherwise, they will get fired. As they try their best to finish it, they become more responsible.

Last, experiencing working and earning their own money will make teenager more confident. When teenager spend the money they earn by their selves, they will feel more comfortable doing it. They can buy expensive clothes that they dreamed about with happy feeling that they deserve it, they worked hard and now they can enjoy it.

I have got jobs as a tutor and a tourism officer when I was student. And I believe that I am not who I am now if I have not taken that jobs. I do not only gain interesting knowledge but also learn how to speaking convincingly, not only become professionally in working but also more confident. If I have the chance to do it over again, I still choose to work when I was a student.

[Kitosdad]

Should teenagers work when they are student(s) ?
I think they should. Despite the fact that working will (reduce) their time(in)studying, but (considering) what they will get from it, I think it is worth (their doing so).
Working (will) not only provide (a) teenager with more knowledge and experience, but (will) also (teach them) to (become) more responsible.
Moreover, they (will) earn money and get more experience from working,(and) that will (help to) make them more confident (and independent).

First, taking a part time job in any area will bring (a) teenager knowledge of that field. (If) they work as a waiter, they will learn how to run a restaurant . (If) they work as a (salesman), they will learn how to deal with costumer(s)
Furthermore, they (gain) more living experience, communication skill(s) (and) all (of) the (essential things) that they could not (find) in any book.

Second, working is a wonderful chance for teenager(s) to (become) familiar with being in charge of something. As students, teenager(s) do not (receive) any penalty for not completing their assignment. But when they have a job, they have to complete their task, otherwise, they will get fired. As they try their best to finish it, they become more responsible.

Last, experiencing working and earning their own money will make (a) teenager more confident. When teenager(s) spend money (that) they earn by themselves, they will feel more comfortable doing it. They can buy expensive clothes that they dreamed about with (the) feeling that they deserve it, they (have)worked hard and now they can enjoy it.

I have (had) jobs as a tutor and (as) a tourism officer when I was student, (a)nd I believe that I (would not now be) who I am (today) if I (had) not taken (those) jobs.
I not only gained knowledge but also learn(ed) how to speak convincingly, not only become profession(al) in working, but also more confident.

If I (had) the chance to do it over again, I (would) still choose to work (whilst) I was a student.

Well reasoned opinion BS.

Kitos.
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