TOEFL® essay: What is the historical event that has a major effect to your country

[Blackswallow]

I think the historical event that has a major effect to my country would be the victory of August evolution in 1945. It stopped the war that had last for decades in my country. And the most important thing is that it remarked the moment of the foundation of Vietnam and brought to Vietnamese people a brand new start.

Firstly, before the end of this evolution, Vietnamese people had experienced a terrible life drowning in losing and unhappiness caused by the war that has last for many decades. So many Vietnamese people had died in that war. And also because of that war, the living condition in Vietnam is too low. Vietnamese people had had to work so hard for the land ford and usually had been left in hungry.

Secondly, the moment that the war was ended was the time that The socialist of republic of Vietnam was born. That was the most important moment in Vietnam’s history. That was when Vietnamese people were officially independent from the other countries; when Vietnam was consider a country which had its own government and its own policy.

Lastly, after a very long time suffering the terrible effect of the war, Vietnamese people had a chance to start a new life, a life that they have their own freedom, they have the right to rule their selves. The victory of August evolution in 1945 definitely is a unforgottable turning-point to Vietnamese people

I was born in 1985. At that time there was almost no trace of the former war. But everytime I hear about the August evolution, as a young Vietnamese people, I know that this is what I should be proud of the most about our history. It saved Vietnamese people from a miserable war and brought us a new bright life. And from that moment, Vietnam has become a country of freedom, republic and democracy

Give me any comment on this, please. That would be highly appreciated

[Kitosdad]

[quote="Blackswallow"]I think the historical event that has a major effect to my country would be the victory of August evolution in 1945. It stopped the war that had last for decades in my country. And the most important thing is that it (marked) the moment of the foundation of Vietnam and brought to (the)Vietnamese people a brand new start.

Firstly, before the end of this evolution, Vietnamese people had experienced a terrible life drowning in losing and unhappiness caused by the war that (had lasted) for many decades.
So many Vietnamese people had died in that war. And also because of that war, the living condition(s) in Vietnam (were very) low. Vietnamese people had to work so hard for the (landlords) and (they were very often) hungry.

Secondly, the moment that the war ended was the time that the socialist republic of Vietnam was born.
That was the most important moment in Vietnam’s history. That was when Vietnamese people were officially independent from other countries; When Vietnam was consider(ed) a country which had its own government and its own policy.

Lastly, after a very long time suffering the terrible effect(s) of the war, Vietnamese people had a chance to start a new life, a life (in which they would have) their own freedom, they (would) have the right to rule (themselves).

The victory of August evolution in 1945 definitely (was) a(n) unforg(e)ttable turning-point (for the) Vietnamese people

I was born in 1985. At that time there was almost no trace of the former war. But every time I hear about the August evolution, as a young Vietnamese (person), I know that this is what I should be proud of the most about our history.
It saved Vietnamese people from a miserable war, and brought us a new bright life, and from that moment, Vietnam has become a country of freedom, republic and democracy

Great work BS. Your best to date.

Kitos.
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