TOEFL® essay: If you could change one important thing about your hometown what...

[Simaster]

Somebody please rate this essay !!!
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change ?

Danang, the city where I was born and raised, has changed so much that I can recognize the big differences between Danang now and Danang ten years ago. There are more skyscrapers, restaurants, supermarkets, entertaiment places, and so on. However, sometimes when I went out, I saw some poor scenes: a little girl was wandering, trying to sell her lottery tickets; or a man is sleeping on the pavement; and there were more other tragic fates I witnessed. Then I wondered if they were born to be like that. If I could change one necessary thing, that would be making all unfortunate destinies have a better life.

Although there are some people who are lazy, do not work and depend on society's help, the others have unlucky situations and they still keep working to feed themeselves and their families. They really need our helps, so why don't we try to help them have a life like us., to help those children who are earning for a living, and our latter generations have a happy life.

The reason we should eradicate poverty is that poverty creates almost every bad thing in the world. Many people think the most important thing to do is to prevent thieves, smugglings, drugs, and so on, but almost people rob or smuggle because their circumstances force them to do that. I ever saw a boy caught by the police when he was stealing. When he was asked why he had to do that, he said he had no choice because he was too poor and he needed to buy food for his sisters. What a heart-breaking story! I believe that if poverty is reduced, social evils will decrease accordingly.

I know to eliminate poverty is not an easy task at all. The only feasible thing I can do in the future to make a contribution to this problem is opening some schools for children without charging fees. Those children who can't afford to go to school will have a chance to study. In future, they may become talented people and have steady jobs and of course, a better life. In this way, it would help lessen the amount of poor people.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that poverty is the most crucial problem we need to solve. If we can remove poverty, social evils will generally disappear. Everyone wants to have a happy life. Let's join hands to help those unlucky people, especially those poor children and make the world a better place. Our government is currently doing their best to facilitate them. I hope there will be no longer any sorrowful sight in the our city.

[Kitosdad]

Once again, an excellent essay Sim. You should score well with this one.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Mango_Yogurt]

First of all, You give me very a good impression because of your so good essays. I read all of them . And secondly, we are living in a same city.

I am not a teacher, here is just a comment
Although there are some people who are lazy, do not work => Although there are some people who are lazy, do not want to work . Is that better?

About the idea of your essay. Don't you think that poverty is not really an important thing in Danang City which has the 5-NO policy? This policy is well known to the people of Danang because of its successes. For details, The 5-NO policy includes: NO illiteracy, NO hunger, NO begging, NO drugs and NO robbers.

Anyway, I still think that you are a good writer

[Simaster]

Thank u. I'm looking forward to a good result of this essay.