TOEFL® essay: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you

[Yamilet]

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence."

I like to think I was ready, that I knew everything, but in reality I didn't know much. I need it that extra push from that special someone, who believed on me, and who knew I had the potential to achieve what I really wanted in life. She saw something on me, that I had not yet seen on myself. What was it? It was a girl who had given up hope, but who deep inside wanted to make it out in the world, and become a professional one day. I'm not quite there yet, but I feel closer and closer every day, just like when you are getting closer to the ocean, and can actually smell the beach on the air from far away.

On our first lesson I felt embarrassed that I have forgotten so many important things, all those things I learned in school, but that after such a long time without practicing I forgot, as we forget the recipe of our favorite cake when we don't bake it often. But she has a plan for me, she wants me to succeed, and more importantly, to believe on myself, and know that I could do it. That I could achieve my dream, and one day I will be able to help others the same way she is helping me.

It has been a few months now, since we first started. I know that I have improved, but I 'm not quite there yet. I will be soon, ready to take on life and to work hard , so that I can prove to myself, and others that I can do anything when I put my mind into it. I want to show her that all the efforts and time she has spent helping me has not been in vain.

She is different from everyone else I know, she is caring and understanding, extremely clever and beautiful. A special being that came to me, when I felt my world was crumbling down. When my life was the hardest of all times. One of the many qualities she has is her spiritualism that makes her who she is today, even though I wish I could have the same believe for god that she does. I know in my heart that one day I may actually earn this quality. This amazing girl, who is beyond compare with anyone else, is the person who has influenced me the most. She has showed me how to be a better person, and to believe on myself. I will be forever grateful, for all her support and love which will prevail forever in my mind, heart and soul.
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Yamilet

[Kitosdad]

Truly a wonderful essay.

"just like when you are getting closer to the ocean, and can actually smell the beach on the air from far away."

This is how essays should couched, with thought and feeling. It may need some little correction but it is a beautiful essay.

Yamilet, I salute you.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Blackswallow]

Helui Yamillet.
Sound like you forgot to point out who she is or may be you did it intentionally
Btw, the person that influence me the best is my mum. To her I always be the best but unfortunately it is not true or at least I do not think so . But because of that, I naturally always try my best to become "that best"

[Yamilet]

Thank you very much, I'm very happy with this essay,
and no i didn't mentioned who she is, because I thought by naming her I would have had to write more, and since i'm practicing for the TOEFL i have to make the essay's shorter, but i would have liked to write a lot more. If you want to know she is my friend, who is helping me to accomplish my dream of becoming a social worker. She is a great person, who studies and work and still makes out a few hours each week to spend with me. She is very special to me and all around her.
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Yamilet