TOEFL® essay: If you could change one important thing about your hometown...

[Liuxin3562]

If you could change one important thing about your hometown , what would you change?

This one is my first essay of toefl. Please give me some advice. Thanks a lot!

Everyting in the universe is in constant change. And everything needs continual improvement if the ever changing and increasing demands of humankind are to be met. If I am ever given the chance to change one important thing about my home town, it would be environmental pollution. Needless to say that nothing generally revolutionized the way we lives in pollution in the past decade. Mand more cars and buildings appearing, more and more pollution come out in my city.

It is said that clean air is the predominant factor for our healthy. True saying indeed! I can envision how everything in my home town could improve dramatically if the pollution control can be taken into account effectally and efficiently. One thing, resturants, markets and bars need to be seperated from residential area. All the oils and smokes of the catering won't go into any houses easily. When people come home, they can relax and breath easily without any polluting gases.

The river pollution is another important problem that need to be solved in my hometown. People will have chance to drink pure water intead of drinking the water from the smelling and black river. For instance, Checking and Supporting the sewage equipment for the factories near by the rivers are some of the solutions. Maybe it would take a long time and abundant of currency to solve the problem, but this assures a basic healthy life for my home town people.

Since envirement pollution advent, it touched everywhere of our life. It does not only influence our life, but also effect on our progeny. A change in pollution settlement implies good way of living for every one in my home town.

Hi, Kitosdad,
Do you have time to read my essay of CBEST?

TOEFL listening discussions: Two roommates talking about fraternities

[Kitosdad]

Everyt(h)ing in the universe is in constant change, (a)nd everything needs continual improvement if the ever changing and increasing demands of humankind are to be met.

( Excellent opening.)

If I am ever given the chance to change one important thing about my home town, it would be (in regard to) environmental pollution.

(Nothing had affected our lives more than the growing amount) of pollution that we have had to suffer in the past decade. (Ever) more cars and buildings appearing, (with) more and more pollution com(ing) in(to) my city.

It is said that clean air is the predominant factor for our (health). (A) true saying indeed!

I can envision how everything in my home town could improve dramatically if the pollution control can be taken into account effec(ively) and efficiently.

One thing, resturants, markets and bars need to be separated from residential area(s).

All the oils and smoke of the catering ( establishments shouldn't) go into any houses easily.

When people come home, they (should be able to) relax and breath easily without any polluting gases (pervading their homes.)

The river pollution is another important problem that need(s) to be solved in my home-town.
People (should have the) chance to drink pure water instead of drinking water from (a) smell(y) and black river.

For instance, (c)hecking and (maintaining) the sewage equipment (used in) the factories near by the rivers are some of the solutions.
Maybe it would take a long time and (an abundance) of currency to solve the problem, but this (would) assure a basic healthy life for my home-town people.
(The advent of environmental pollution has affected the lives of every person.). It does not only influence our li(ves), but also (has a marked) effect on our progeny.

A change in pollution (treatment promises a) good way of living for everyone in my home town.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Liuxin3562]

Dear Kitos，

Thank you very much!

I came from China. I had been avioding the Toefl test for two years. I always feel it is too dificult for me.

But I decided to take it --over myself this month.

Because an old proverb enlightened me that: what only defeated own that also to have not to be able to overcome?

Thanks for your help again!
Best,

Xin Liu