Television has hurt the ability of people to communicate with one another

[Silky]

Do you agree or disagree?
"Television has hurt the ability of people to communicate with one another."

Can you let me know what do you think about my essay.Do you have any suggestions?Any advice is greatly appreciated.I'm studying for the TOEFL test.

Nowadays there is no doubt that Technology market is booming. Television, Computer, i-phones are the results of continues growth. At every another home there is Television. We can’t blame totally to television for communication gap between family member and friends. Television is very popular entertainment media but its own pros and con.Throughout this essay, I will try to clarify that television is not only responsible in lessen the ability of people to communicate with one another.

First of people are getting busy more and more. In offices due to workload stress is more. Due to continuous progress less time for enjoy. So when someone coming home tried from office easiest way to access is television for some fun. After having diner people try to relax with their family. Spending time with family in front of television is not a bad idea. So another way television can be helpful mean to spend time together.
Secondly TV is source to provide instant news, important issues etc. which helps to develop curiosity among growing child and try to keep aware house wife from current affairs. Some channel like History channels, news channels and comedy is very important part of our life. So if you are using it in balancing way there will be no harm.

TV is less expensive way for entertainment. Some people can’t afford to spend much money on cinema’s so with the of DVD’s watching it home is cheapest way. So all family can watch it together so this way they can exchange there communications by watching and taking break.

In conclusion coin has two sides; it’s up to you which you want to face. No doubt television can be hurt people relations without knowing them but they can enjoy this wonderful mean in balancing way.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why must the young woman leave?

[Thunu]

Hi Silky

I have read your essay and I find it difficult to understand what you mean. You seemed to put words together, not using collocatons.

Collocations are word combinations like veb + noun or adjective + noun. Using word collocations are the first and main factor to build an essay. Because you didn't use combination of words, your essay made too many grammatical errors.
Example: You wrote 'We can't blame totally to television...'. Here, collocation of the verb 'blame' is 'blame somebody for something or blame something on somebody', not 'blame to'. This is only one of errors I find out in your essay.

Moreover, you express the opinion that TV can hurt the ability of people to communicate with one another but you didn't explain and analyse clearly the reasons for that. Therefore, it's very difficult for readers to understand your opinion.

In my personal opinion, this essay need writing with the structure as following:
First, you should mention benefits of television. After that, you say about the disadvantages and prove your opinion with a few evidences. Do like this, I think, your essay will receive a high score in a test.

Cheers!
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Reach an agreement as ploughing, don't let argument happen at crops.

[Silky]

Hi Thunu,

Thanks greatly appreciated.

[Kitosdad]

Nowadays there is no doubt that the technology market is booming.
Televisions, Computers, i-phones are the results of continuous growth.

In every other home there is a television. We can’t blame television for the communication gap between family members and friends.
Television is a very popular entertainment medium, but it has its own pros and cons.

Throughout this essay, I will try to clarify that television is not only responsible in lessening the ability of people to communicate with one another, (but............????

First of all people are becoming ever busier.
In offices, due to the workload, stress is more.
Due to continuous progress there is less time for enjoyment, so when someone comes home tired from the office, the easiest way to gain access to some entertainment is the television.

After having dinner people try to relax with their families. Spending time with your family in front of television is not a bad idea. So another way television can be helpful is in being a means to spend time together.

Secondly, TV is a source of instant news, important issues etc. which helps to develop curiosity among growing children and tries to keep the house-wife aware of current affairs. Some channels like the History channel, news channels and comedy play a very important part in our lives, so if you are using it in balanced way there will be no harm.

Television is a less expensive way to access entertainment. Some people can’t afford to spend much money on cinema’s, so with DVD’s, watching at home is the cheapest way, and all of the family can watch together. During the breaks they can converse about the programme.

In conclusion, every coin has two sides; It’s up to you which you want to face. No doubt television can hurt people's relations without them knowing, but they can enjoy this wonderful medium in a balanced way.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Silky]

Thanks a ton Mr. Kitos, I'm really very happy see your prompt review. can you also tell me what is my average score in this topic.
I made a lot of mistakes, please suggest me how should I improve.

Thanks once again