What could you say in a sad/happy event

[Be.emily]

Dear all,

I am quite comfortable having long English conversations with people in various topics which we are both interested in, or one or both have some certain amount of related knowledge/information to talk about. However, I find myself speechless in cases when I need to start and continue a medium/long conversation with one (not too close as your close or best friends, but someone like your normal friends or colleagues, for example) who has just passed/who is in a happy or sad event.

My question here is that in case you want to maintain a medium to long conversation with such people in such cases as described above, what would you ask/say/share/etc., in order
+ To show your care and sharing (happy & sad events) / sympathy and empathy (sad events)
+ Not to be too inquisitive
+ To show you really care and would like to listen/share, but not asking because you want to be polite or asking tasteless questions

Please raise up your voice, give out your examples to help

Thank you very much

Best wishes, Emily

[Be.emily]

:( Is this true that my question is too difficult that no one could give me a hand? :(

[Ozgemine]

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Hi Emily...I have just read your question and i realised that it is a quite often problem...Sometimes the conversations get stuck !!!
When i have such kind of a problem,i try to understand that person's feeling.Does it have much impact? Or not? This may sound kind a difficult but a person's face tells more:) From this point of view;I create general questions like:

"i am soo happy that you will get your bachelor.If you were at the beginning again;would you chose the engineering again? "
"i heard the unlucky event that your boy friend had an accident.It should be hurting you.If you need someone to talk,i am always here."

I hope my examples are good enough for your problem.If not,could you write a simple dialouge please? :)

[Be.emily]

Thank you Ozegemine.

I know it is difficult. Cos most of the time, I got stuck. With close friends or one who you know quite well in working or other environment, it is easy to ask more questions to find out what happened or so. However, with ones who you are not so close, such as colleagues who are in your team but work in other workstream (and so you dont work, talk with them very often), or friends in general, it is more difficult to think of some appropriate questions or comments to keep the conversation on.

For example:
You colleague has just been back from his holiday.
a- Hey, how was your trip?
b- Good
a- So where have you been?
b- Thailand and Cambodia
a- Where exactly in those countries?
b- I just went around
a- (stuck!!! seems like b doesnt want to talk) --> What to say?

Your boss has just got some kind of accident and had his leg in a plaster cast. He gets back to the office after 2 weeks staying at home.
a- How are you? Is your leg better now?
b- Ya, it is better but it is hard to ... and when I sit for too long, the blood cant circulate and ...
a- I am sorry to hear. And so actually what happened?
b- I felt off the staircase, at the very last step and ... (bla bla bla) ... (because of his negligence)
a- (what to say here???) (I dont think saying "what a pity" or "so unlucky you were" is very suitable in this conversation in term of both meaning and feeling)
a- So how long more did the doctor say that you need to wear this plaster cast?
b- 4 weeks
a- oh dear (what else to say?)

A colleague of yours, who has been working hard and has very good knowledge, skills as well as understanding toward problems that he was given to give out a solution, and a good attitude toward his work, has just received a decision that his contract will not be renewal. One reason for this is that the company has been looking forward to see other and better quantifiable results from his work, and so they want to have other people to replace him in his position. There could be other reasons which are not spoken out. And so it means he is leaving soon. What would you say to him (in a middle/long conversation)?

A colleague of yours, who is very nice, but do not work very well. He probably has good skills and knowledge, but seems like they dont work, and hard to be applied in his current position. The company doesnt satisfy with his work after reviewing his delivery in a working period. They say his work must be stopped. He is very sad, but still tries to show his normal cheerful attitude to everyone as normal. He is leaving tomorrow. What would you say? (have a conversation with him)

Just some conversations and cases that I 've just created, PLEASE HELP!!!

Tell me your ALTERNATIVES
- How would you continue?
- What would you say?
- In which direction would you use to expand the conversation (keep it general, but not too cold and not to curious)? and
- How would you end the conversation?

Thank you ALL very much

[Kevinzos]

I have jut find your explanation very important in the way of right conversation according to the situation.

But, It seems very difficult to develop the right kind of speaking in a specific case.
The solution is to read frequently the phrases in each case until the mastering of his use.

For example in sorrow or at a birthday party we have two differents kinds of feelings.
In sorrow we have to commiserate it is important to choose the words carefully.
At birthday party the words are more easy but difficult to find.

I have realy enjoyed you explanation and i begue you to receive all my thanks.

kevinzos from Burkina

[Ozgemine]

Dear Emily;
i will try to write suitable and appropriate answers for your dialogues:)
1st dialogue: To walk around in a place where you didn't visit before should be interesting!!! ( this is an open question with 2 directions.This makes easy to built a bridge for conversation.)
2nd one: Hopefully,it will pass quickly and you will get rid of the cast!!! What about to organise a welcome party for this weekend?you will have the chance for loosing your negative energy.

Emily,i have to leave now,tomorrow i will write other answers as a middle dialogue:)

byeeee