Paragraph: One of the places in Chiangrai, which is the most beautiful as if...

[Bs_Junny]

Please help me to correct Grammar....please please

Doi Tung in Chaingrai
One of the places in Chiangrai, which is the most beautiful as if a heaven on the world, is Doi Tung. It is the name of hill which was established by Mother’s King Phumipoladulyadech. This hill is full of various flowers which are from foreign country such as Tulip from Netherland and some of flowers are from all the part of Thailand such as Siam Tulip from Northeast. Every flower thrives rapidly because the weather at the peak of hill is cold. The green grasses with colorful flowers and fresh air is attracted the tourist to come here especially in the winter because the flower will be the most beautiful. It is an idyllic atmosphere when the dew covers on the petals and sunrise in the morning. Doi Tung also has fresh tea and coffee drink for tourists, who visit here, too. In brief, no where will attractive place as Doi Tung. If we are an angle, Doi Tung is a heaven of us.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students (2)

[Kitosdad]

Doi Tung in Chaingrai.

One of the places in Chiangrai, which is as beautiful as heaven on earth, is Doi Tung.

It is the name of a hill which was established by Mother’s King Phumipoladulyadech.

This hill is filled with various types of lowers which are from many foreign countries, such as tulips from the Netherlands and some of the flowers are from all the parts of Thailand, such as Siam tulip from the Northeast.

Every flower thrives here because the weather at the peak of the hill is cold.
The green grasses with colourful flowers and fresh air is so attractive.

The tourists come here, especially in the winter, because the flowers will be at their most beautiful.
It is an idyllic atmosphere when the dew covers the petals and the sun rises in the morning.

Doi Tung also has fresh tea and coffee to be drank by the tourists who visit here.

In brief, nowhere will you find a more attractive place than Doi Tung.
If we were angels, Doi Tung would be heaven to us.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Bs_Junny]

Thank you so much for your kindness, i will submit my first paragraph to my teacher on this Saturday. if i did not get your helping, i gonna die :( ....i will tell you after i get the score. Do you think how many scores i will get?..... :P