TOEFL® essay: Do you think there is much violence on TV?

[Nara]

Can you check this essay, please?
Do you think there is much violence on TV.
TV has become irreplaceable and important part of modern people. There are different views about negative and positive influences of TV on adults and children. Some people are completely against violence shown on it, but others do not pay so much attention to that question. As for myself, I think that there is much violence on TV for the following reasons.
First of all, violence demonstrated on TV show people, especially children darker side of life which they must not be aware of up to some point in their life. There are more programmes on violence, crimes than shows or cartoons for children in our country. Programmes on crimes and different kind of movies where violence is demonstrated take up much of the broadcasting time of our private channels, ANS, ATV etc. Children get a lot of unnecessary information they do not need for their age. For example, I myself learned about different kind of murders, rapes, drugs, maniacs from TV when I was just 8 years old and what I saw completely shocked me.
The second point is that violence shown on TV teaches people how to be cruel, commit different kind of crimes, even suicides. There are many movies such as CSI, Cold Case, where even tiny details of crimes are depicted in understandable manner. Each person who has enough brains and has predisposition for crime can learn from that kind of TV series very easily.
Moreover, many people in our society have psychological problems and that stuff has negative affect on them. These people see all that and think if heroes of the do the things that I can do much better why not do that myself too. For example, In 1993, 2 year old James Bulger was brutally murdered by 10 year olds Jon Venables and Robert Thompson. Under investigation of their home, a VHS copy of "Child's Play 3" was found the VCR. Child's Play 3 was blamed and resulted in the film being banned in England.
In conclusion, there is a lot of unnecessary violence shown on TV that has negative effects on society and creates criminals, people with predisposition to crimes and violence also people with psychological disorders. I think TV should be controlled by government or respective agency that will limit broadcasting of violence.

[Kitosdad]

[quote="Nara"]Can you check this essay, please?
Do you think there is much (too) violence (shown) on TV.

TV has become (an) irreplaceable and important part of modern (life).
There are different views about negative and positive influences of TV on adults and children.
Some people are completely against (the) violence shown on it, but others do not pay so much attention to that question.
As for myself, I think that there is (too) much violence on TV for the following reasons.

First of all, violence demonstrated on TV show(s) people, especially children,(the) darker side of life which they must not be aware of up to some point in their life.

There are more programmes on violence, crimes than shows or cartoons for children in our country.?????????????????????????

Programmes on crimes and different kind of movies where violence is demonstrated take up much of the broadcasting time of our private channels, ANS, ATV etc.

Children get a lot of unnecessary information they do not need for their age.
For example, I myself learned about different kind of murders, rapes, drugs, (and) maniacs from TV when I was just 8 years old, and what I saw completely shocked me.

The second point is that violence shown on TV teaches people how to be cruel, commit different kind of crimes, even suicides.
There are many movies such as CSI, Cold Case, where even tiny details of crimes are depicted in (an) understandable manner.

(Every) person who has enough brains and has (a) predisposition(toward) crime can learn from that kind of TV series very easily.

Moreover, many people in our society have psychological problems and that stuff has (a) negative affect on them.
These people see all that and think if heroes of the do the things that I can do much better why not do that myself too.

For example, (i)n 1993, 2 year old James Bulger was brutally murdered by 10 year olds Jon Venables and Robert Thompson.
Under investigation of their home, a VHS copy of "Child's Play 3" was found the VCR. Child's Play 3 was blamed and resulted in the film being banned in England.
In conclusion, there is a lot of unnecessary violence shown on TV that has negative effects on society and creates criminals, people with predisposition to crimes and violence also people with psychological disorders. I think TV should be controlled by the government or (a) respective agency that will limit broadcasting of violence.

Quite a good reasoned essay, but what were your parents doing when they allowed an eight years old boy watch such violent programmes?

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Nara]

thanks. It wasn't my parents and I don't even know that boy.