TOEFL® essay: Why do people decide to study?

[Ratt]

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People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Almost all over the world future concerned people are trying their best to study more. Most of us know that knowledge is power, and thus, the one having more knowledge, becomes more successful in his life.

People attend school for many different reasons. Some of them study because studying is obligatory (either by the state or by the parents), the others because they seek knowledge and success in their lives. When there is a choice to study or not to do so, most of the people choose studying. Studying gives us many opportunities. First of all, we may possess a profession, upon finishing an institute. The employers, looking for the best workers of course, carefully pick the ones, who have degrees. If there are job positions available for the people who don’t have any, the career raise, most probably, will require one. The employer understands the fact that in the institutes everything is done for the student to feel himself free to receive and research the information necessary for the degree he has chosen. Moreover, the educational establishments prepare us for the working atmosphere: the discipline and the etiquette are introduced to the student there in the educational establishments.
Understanding all this, the future student decides to choose to study.

The best example I may provide is the example of my father: He, being born and brought up in the rural area, where education didn’t mean anything, wanted more from his the life. Thus he started studying: first in the institute in the neighboring city, then in the capital university. After he graduated the prestige capital university he returned to the city where he worked as a teacher, educating student of the institute. Still he was continuing to self improve until and one day he was invited as an exchange teacher to go to the US college to teach there. That was a dream come true for him: He, being a foreigner, taught English to the native speakers. Not everyone can boast with that! (ran out of time)

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Please, comment the essay.
Thanks in advance!

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[Pasban110]

Hi Ratt.
I think it's a good essay. You know, I'm like your father. I grown up in a rural. My father, who is a simple house builder, always want me to keep going, and never give up of studying. He always shows me his bled on his palm, and his swallowed fingers with bricks. They really awful for me to see him in that situation, But it's the case for him. After those moments, I force myself to study harder and harder to show him that I'm not a bad child who is wasting his precious efforts.
In my opinion, going after knowledge is a duty for humanity. In my current situation and state of studying, I'm really proud of all my father's advice. They really kept me up, and now I'm happy to follow him.

-Salivan