Attending a life performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV

[Aitorzl]

Hello Guys, could anyone of you please read and correct my Essay?; I would really appreciate it...
thanks a lot..

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Attending a life performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV; agree or disagree?

Long time ago when there was no TV or radio, the only way to see a concert or go to a football match was by attending in life to the place where it was being performed; when the TV came out, life spectacles converted in mass spectacles where million of people could watch them on TV; although I recognize the benefits of the TV in making life performances more accessible to many people, I would never skip the chance of going to a concert or a sport match if I had the opportunity; there are many reasons why I support this; by going to a concert people can learn lot of things; at the same time people get immediate feedback from the team they are going to see playing or the artist performing in life; in addition it is a reasonable way of supporting your favorite artists and teams;

first of all, when you attend to these kind of performances you automatically take part of the spectacle; if you go to a concert you can sing the songs, ask for favorite song, applaud; all these thing could not be done if you stayed at home just watching TV; would you imagine a sport match without followers? it would clearly become a boring one;

On the other hand, it is possible to learn many things by attending to a concert; for example, I play the guitar and I really enjoy going to life guitar performances; those are the moments when I really improve my technical attitudes because I'm able to see in first hand how a good guitar player has to be, where my weak points are and I can even ask them what my next steps, in order to improve, should be.

Finally, if nobody went to concerts of sport matches, sport teams and artists would eventually disappear because they would go burst financially; for instance, a big percentage of a football team incomes come from the attendance of people every weekend so the money they get from this is crucial for them to survive, pay players and employees; the same happens with artists; not every musician is capable of selling 1 million cd copies in order to be able to live just from this source; most of them can just go on by performing life concerts.

to conclude, although watching everything on TV could be considered more comfortable and convenient than going to a life performance, I still prefer the idea of attending to my favorite musician's concert or spending the Sunday night in a football stadium supporting the local team of my city.

[Kitosdad]

It's live, not life!
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Aitorzl]

thanks Kitostad... elemental mistake, many times repeated in this essay....
Aitor

[Kitosdad]

Attending a LIVE performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on TV; agree or disagree?

A long time ago, when there was no TV or radio, the only way to see a concert or go to a football match was by attending the place where it was being performed; when the TV FIRST came out, LIVE spectacles WERE converted INTO mass spectacles where millionS of people could watch them on TV.

Although I recognize the benefits of TV in making LIVE performances more accessible to many people, I would never skip the chance of going to a concert or a sport match if I had the opportunity.
There are many reasons why I support this.

By going to a concert people can learn lot of things and at the same time people get immediate feedback from the team they are going to see playing or the artist performing LIVE, and in addition it is a reasonable way of supporting your favorite artists and teams.

First of all, when you attend these kind of performances you automatically take part of the spectacle and if you go to a concert you can sing the songs, REQUEST YOUR favorite song, applaud; all these thing could not be done if you stayed at home just watching TV. HOW INTERESTING DO you imagine a sport match WOULD BE without followers?
It would clearly become a boring SPECTACLE.

On the other hand, it is possible to learn many things by attending a concert.

For example, I play the guitar and I really enjoy going to LIVE guitar performances, BECAUSE those are the moments when I really improve my technical attitudes because I'm able to see AT first hand how a good guitar player has to be, where my weak points are, and I can even ask them what my next steps, in order to improve, should be.

Finally, if nobody went to concerts of sport matches, sport teams and artists would eventually disappear because they would go BANKRUPT financially.

For instance, a big percentage of a football teamS income comeS from the attendance of people every weekend so the money they get from this is crucial for them to survive, pay players and employees.
The same happens with artists. Not every musician is capable of selling 1 million cd copies in order to be able to live just from this source, and most of them can just GET-BY by performing LIVE concerts.

To conclude, although watching everything on TV could be considered more comfortable and convenient than going to a LIVE performance, I still prefer the idea of attending to my favorite musician's concert or spending the Sunday night in a football stadium supporting MY LOCAL TEAM.

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This is a good essay. You obviously have a good grasp of English, but remember that sentences ALWAYS start with a capital letter, no matter how short the sentence may be.

Try to make more use of conjunctions, and do not be afraid to start a new sentence, even if it will only be a short one.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.