TOEFL® essay: In every city the car is the king of the road.

[Love_English0405]

I'm preparing for the Toefl ibt test but I just study on my own, so it's hard for me to improve my writing skill. This is an essay which I have written. Please check for my grammar, vocabulary, etc. Thank you in advance.

Topic 6: In every city the car is the king of the road. Cars cause death and injury and air pollution, and they made it difficult and dangerous for others. It is time to reduce the number of cars in our cities and to encourage other means of transport. Do you agree with this opinion?

Cars are one of the most popular transportation in the world. However, it has a lot of disadvantages when using cars. Because of that, I think people should use other means of transport instead of private cars.

People use cars for its convenience and comfort. When you have to travel in a long distance, a private car is the fastest transportation for you to use, you can control your own speed. However, the cars are no longer fast if there are traffic jams, they have to standstill and the drivers have to bear the noises and gases from other vehicles on the road, which is unendureable. Furthermore, the speed of the cars often causes serious accidents in which many people are died because of the carelessness of the drivers, especially drunken drivers. Statistics show that a large number of people die each year due to transportation accidents.

Besides, the cost of using cars is so high that not many people can afford to buy them and keep using them. If you own a private car, you have to pay for its guarantee fees, petrol, tax, etc. while the cost of petrol and other services have increased very much. The use of cars are expensive while using public transport is much cheaper, with just a low-priced ticket, you can travel around the city. In addition, cars cause a large amount of exhaust fume, which is the reason of causing air pollution in big cities. If more people use public transport, there will be less vehicle on the road and we can reduce air pollution, traffic jams and also noises.

Considering the disadvantages of private cars, we can see many opposite things in public transport. It not only saves time, money but also saves the environment as mentioned above. Moreover, using public transport you can have many practical benefits. For example, while you are travelling in a bus, you can listen to music, free up your mind or read newspaper to get the latest information or even sleep if you don’t have enough time for that. The more people stop using cars, the less traffic jams happen in the cities. You don’t have to worry about the noise that wake you up at night or standstill among other vehicles in hot weather.

Therefore, we should change the way we travel and improve the public transportation system so that people can use it easily.

[Kitosdad]

(A) car is one of the most popular (forms of )transportation in the world. However, it has a lot of disadvantages. Because of (these disadvantages), I think people should use other means of transport instead of private cars.

People use (a) car for its convenience and comfort.
When you have to travel a long distance, a private car is the fastest transportation for you to use. (Y)ou can control your own speed.

However,cars are no longer fast if there are traffic jams.
(T)hey have to standstill and the drivers have to bear the noise and gases from other vehicles on the road, which is (often) unendureable.
Furthermore, the speed of the cars often cause serious accidents in which many people (have) died because of the carelessness of the drivers, especially drunken drivers. Statistics show that a large number of people die each year due to transportation accidents.

Besides, the cost of using cars is so high that not many people can afford to buy them and keep using them.
If you own a private car, you have to pay for its guarantee fees, petrol, tax, etc. while the cost of petrol and other services (are ever-increasing).

(Using a car is very expensive) while using public transport is much cheaper.
(W)ith just a low-priced ticket, you can travel around the city.
In addition, cars cause a large amount of exhaust fume(s), which is the reason ( why there is so much) air pollution in big cities.
If more people use public transport, there (would) be less vehicle(s) on the road and we (would) reduce air pollution, traffic jams and also noises.

Considering the disadvantages of private cars, we can see many (advantages) in (our using) public transport.
It not only saves time (and) money, but also saves the environment as mentioned above.
Moreover, using public transport can have many practical benefits.
For example, while you are travelling in a bus, you can listen to music, free up your mind or read (a) newspaper to get the latest information, or even sleep if you don’t have enough time for that.
The more people stop using cars, the less traffic jams (would) happen in the cities.
You (wouldn't) have to worry about the noise(s) that wake you up at night, or (the holdups) among other vehicles in hot weather.

Therefore, we should change the way we travel, and improve the public transportation system so that people can use it (more) easily,(and hopefully, more often).

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A nice sensible essay 405. Your work needs very little to be improved. Do more reading.

Kitos
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[Topaze]

Kitosdad has detected all or almost all errors, but I'd like to make a few more comments. Keep in mind, though, that I may very well be mistaken and that I'm not a native speaker.

1. "Standstill" is, I believe, a noun. I'd suggest that you use "stand still" instead.

2. I think there is a typo in the word "unendurable" (you wrote "unendureable").

3. The speed of the cars causes, not cause.

4. Just a side note. I believe that the word "petrol" is used primarily in British English, at least in this context. The American word would be "gasoline" or simply "gas". On the actual test you may want to make sure that your spelling and choice of words are consistent.

5. Now this is a comment that I'm reluctant to make. I think that in the phrase "the cost of petrol and other services have increased" you should've used the singular, not plural form of the verb, because the verb, in all probability, refers only to the cost, and not to the cost and other services (not that services can increase anyway). But since Kitosdad, although rewriting the sentence, used the same form, I'm at a loss here.

Otherwise, that's a very nice essay. Good job!

[Love_English0405]

Thanks for all of your checking. I'll try my best in writing other essays.

[Richard]

Many Thanks.
Now, I just can enjoy reading the essay.
I like it.
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