TOEFL® essay: Parents are the best teachers.

[Nerry]

Dear sir,

would be very greatful to you if you can correct my TOEFL sample essay?

Thank you very much..

Nerry.
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents are the best teachers.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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Here speaker asserts that parents are the best teachers which one can ever have in their life. I partly agree with the statement since in some cases I would not recommend that they are the best teachers.
When we think of our childhood, our parents have the authority to control us. They are the people who decide what we should have and shouldn't. In that case they are over controlling us. Actually, getting experience is the best way to learn ,but we can not do our own researches to get to know new things since our parents over protecting us. As a example they not allow us to go and play in rain or in road. It may control our selves getting risk in future. In that case we can not claim that our parents are the best teachers.

On the other hand , they are the people who teach us good qualities that person should have through out the life time. To be a person who have been respected by the society one must have good qualities like kindness, honesty, forgiveness,genuineness etc. children can easily be addicted to drugs, alcohol etc. Also they would practice bad behaviors like steeling and quarreling, if they were not correctly guide. Parents are the best teachers who can teach us what is good and what is bad. They are the people who move more time with us at our young age. So they can teach us many things not even good and bad, but also they can help develop our skills. In that case more educated parents would be great teachers if they could move more time with their children.

Considering all the points and examples stated above I would say that parents are good teachers to a some extent, but they are not the best.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?

[Kitosdad]

Nerry, I liked your essay. There is room fro improvement of course, but you have a good sense of grammar and sentence construction.

Keep on posting. Do a little more thinking about your points before you begin writing.

Well done. Kitos.
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[Mohammad6807]

Hi nerry
your essay is good, but your idea is not very sufficient, and your conclusion is waek.
if you would like to learn more about this topic, leave a private message.

have a nice day

[Richard]

Hi Nerry.
1- You have written 303 words, it is acceptable and almost long enough.
2-You should have written 4 or 5 paragraphs. But I couldn’t distinguish when your paragraphs were finished, when they were started. lack of Idea..and you didn’t support your belief and Idea enough.
3-In each paragraph you are supposed to describe another reason, example or personal story to support your belief.( or compare two choices and mention their advantages and disadvantages.)
4- Leave 1 space after each comma and point and don’t leave spaces before them.

[Nerry]

thanks Kitosdad, Mohammed, and Richard for your responses!

Dear Richard i appreciate your corrections very much.

Please tell me, if i want to say, considering the positive factors " parents are good teachers, but they are not the best "
is it incorrect to write " parents are good teachers to some extent, but they are not the best "?

I wanted to get the meaning "partially" by putting the word "to some extent"
Is that wrong?

[Richard]

partially(adverb) formal = not completely=(partly):
example:He/it was only partially successful.

to ... extent = used to say how true something is or how great an effect or change is
To what extent (=how much) did she influence his decision?

to some extent (=partly)
example: I do agree with him to some extent.

partly and partially are adjectives. you are expected to use them as their parts of speech.
I didn't get what you want to do.
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[Nerry]

Ok! I got it!
I'v spoiled the meaning by putting " some extent " in the last sentence, I guess!

Then i should have written, " I do agree with the statement (i.e. my essay topic- parents are good teachers. right! ) to some extent. "

Is this correct Richard?