TOEFL® IBT essay: Choose a house or a business

[Superboy0802]

Please edit this essay for me. I'm so grateful.

Topic:You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

TOEFL Essay:

Having enough money to buy either a house or a business is interesting. Some people like to invest this large sum to a business for fortune while others want to buy a comfortable house with this money. As a student, I, in fact, have not need to buy a house or a business yet. However, if I have an opportunity, I prefer buying a house for some reasons.

That I only like research and do sciential jobs is the most important reason why I don’t want to buy a business. Since I come to the polytechnic university, I only study deeply into academic knowledge. Subsequently, I don’t have any interest and knowledge for a business. As a result, I can’t do anything with a business. Thus, I would rather buy a home than spend for a business

Second, I am a people who like a stable life. That is a reason why I choose a polytechnic school to study. It also a reason I avoid active jobs in business. I’m so afraid of unsuccess in business. It is so wonderful if I can work stably for a company and enjoy feeling of safety when I come back home. In short, as a quiet people, I like to buy a convenient house, lonely working or working for a boss.

Final, a house is really necessary in a future to me who am living temporarily in my parent’s house. My family has six members in which I and my siblings must find other settlements in future. It’s terrible if each of our families sharing a house in future. I am really lucky if I can earn enough money to buy a house. Therefore I certainly choose a house instead of a business.

That I am a quiet people make me avoid joining business. On the other hand, house is really required when I am leaving my family. Furthermore, buying a business is insignificant to a people be studying deeply into technic and science as me. For these there reasons, I will buy a house if I have enough money to buy either a house or a business

[Naiverock]

It surely depends on the man who's going to make a decision whether to purchase a house or a business. There is a saying that, 'earn as much as you can before you are not able to, then you'll enjoy the rest of your life', which is usually used to support the business decision. I agree with it except the possible sacrifice part. We share the same goal to pursue a comfortable living environment and everyday genuine happiness. Since the house can probably make these aspirations more able to be true, why not choose to have a sweet house instead of a business full of hardworking and risk? As to me, I will choose to buy a house first.

When we talk about business, we mean to make benefit from investment and industrious work. Buying a house is indeed a investment. Real estate market is so hot and prosperous a realm where lots of opportunities exist as long as you have enough capital and business head to push in. Especially in most cities of China, the housing price has went up for a long time without the trend to fall. I have a relative who's really rich because of his commerce in the real estate, usually some switch trades of houses. So, if I want to make profit, I will choose the house pursuit.

On the other hand, house has a similar meaning as family. It has been one standard elementary of success for every gown-up to get his own house, where he/she would consider organizing a family. Family means a lot to me. I am that type of human who thinks more highly of family than career. That's the very important reason why I would decide to gain a house first, if my financial situation permits. Also, with the support of family, the protection of the shelter, I definitely will pursue a better career in the short future.

In the reality, to purchase a house is really a difficult thing for most employees, or managers, let alone the offspring of normal peasants and workers. The most common method we strive for house pursuit is to start a business or fight for a career. If possible, though the possibility in real world is nearly zero, I would of course like to attain my goal in one step.

In sum,if given such an opportunity, to purchase a house instead of a business will be my choice. It will save me a lot tough work to get one of my life goals done. And the house, soon maybe followed by the family will be my port and my shelter for my life and career. In the same time, the house will increase its value, which means an investment to me, too.

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beg for correction and suggestion
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It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.

[Superboy0802]

Can someone find and repair mistakes in my essay. Thank a lot

[Kitosdad]

Having enough money to (be able to choose between buying )either a house or a business is interesting.
Some people (want) to invest this large sum (of money)into a business (in the hope of making a fortune) while others want to buy a comfortable house with this money.
As a student, I, in fact, have (no) need to buy a house or a business yet.
However, if I (ever have the) opportunity, I (would)prefer buying a house for (the following) reasons.

That I only like research and (doing) scientific (work-related jobs) is the most important reason why I don’t want to buy a business.
Since I (came) to the polytechnic university, I ( have only studied) deeply (to gain) academic knowledge.
Subsequently, I don’t have any interest or knowledge for a business. As a result, I (couldn't) do anything with a business. Thus, I would rather buy a home than spend (money purchasing/starting) a business.

Second, I am a (person) who (likes) a stable life. That is (the) reason why I (chose) a polytechnic school to study.
It also a reason I avoid active jobs in business. I’m so afraid of (being unsuccessful) in business.
It is so wonderful (when) I can work stably for a company and enjoy (the) feeling of safety when I come back home. In short, as a quiet (person) I (would) like to buy a convenient house, (work alone) or working for a boss.

(Finally), a house (will be) really (a necessity) in (the near-future for) me (because I am) living temporarily in my parent’s house.

My family has six members. (My) siblings (and I) must find (our own homes soon) because (it would be terrible if each of our families had to keep) sharing a house in future.

(If) I am really lucky (I will find a job where I) can earn enough money to buy a house. Therefore I (would) certainly choose a house instead of a business.

That I am a quiet (person prompts me to avoid) joining (a) business.
On the other hand, (a) house is really required (if I am to leave) my family. Furthermore, buying a business is insignificant to a (person who is) studying deeply into techno and science, (such as myself). For these reasons, I will buy a house if I have enough money to (choose between buying) either a house or a business.

Not a bad essay, but you have a long way to go yet if you hope to score highly in your exam. Keep at it. That's the only way to success.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Kitosdad]

Naiverock, an excellent essay. You should have no problems with your exam.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Naiverock]

Thank you, Kitosdad.
It's so nice of you.
Btw, do you have a son named Kito?
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It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.

[Kitosdad]

No, but I used to have a cat of that name. He was very intelligent, and my neighbour used to say, "Kito, here comes your Dad" ... ergo, Kitosdad.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Naiverock]

It's so fun.
Since someone in this forum has said you didn't start an essay yet. How about writing something about your son, little cat kito?
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It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.