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TOEFLŪ topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...



 
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TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #1 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:35 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

I picked one paragraph from my essay on whether school should ask students to wear a uniform. Please tell me how will you write these sentences and make it look like native english. Just help yourself change the meaning and contents, if needed.
Thanks a lot!

Wearing uniforms not only decrease bad behaviors in schools, but makes students value their classmates in a wise way as well. Although we do not mean to, it is usually the case that a large number of people used to judge others by their appearance. If one student dresses well, he gives others the impression of being well educated and wealthy, improving his chances of becoming the center of his communication circle. In the same manner, other boys will surely be stimulated to imitate that student in order to appeal to pretty girls by the handsome garb. However, is that the right way to know a person? We are supposed to make friends according to their moral, loyalty, mentality and some other inner characters. When students all wear uniforms, they have more chances to judge their classmates by what they are doing, what they are thinking, and what their ambitions are, instead of what they are wearing.
Glorning
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Location: Beijing, China

one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #2 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:48 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

Wearing uniforms not only decrease(s) bad behaviour in schools, but makes students value their classmates in an appreciative way also.
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one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #3 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:53 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

So nice to see you are here now, Kitos. This is my first time to meet you here. Then what about the rest of the paragraph?
Glorning
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Joined: 18 Sep 2009
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Location: Beijing, China

one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #4 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 19:12 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

The remainder is faultless IMO.

Kitos.
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one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #5 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 2:34 am   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

But...I mean if you write it yourself, would you use the same sentence structure or words and phrases as I did? Actually I'm not so confident in my expressions and my goal is to be recognized as a native speaker through a piece of writing, not just to make a sentence without a grammar mistake... So please be strict with me, Thank you, Kitos.
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 29
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #6 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:33 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Although (they) we do not mean to (do so), it is usually the case that a large number of people (tend) used to judge others by their (outward) appearance.

If one student dresses well, he gives others the impression of being well educated and wealthy, (thereby) improving his chances of becoming the center of his circle (of friends/associates).

In the same manner, other boys will surely be (influenced) stimulated to imitate that student in order to appeal to pretty girls by (their immaculate appearance)) the handsome garb.

However, is that the right way to know a person?
We are supposed to make friends according to their morals, loyalty, mentality and other (personal characteristics) inner characters.

When (all of the )students wear uniforms, they have more (opportunities) chances to judge their classmates by what they are doing, what they are thinking, and what their ambitions are, instead of what they are wearing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning Glorning, I think you give me more credit than I deserve in asking me to edit your text, however I have done my best.
I'm certain that Alan would have made a far better job of the task than I.

Kitos.
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Kitosdad
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TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #7 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:11 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Hi Glorning
Thank you Kitos.
Glorning wrote:
Please tell me how will you write these sentences and make it look like native english.

please tell me how you will/would write these sentence...
make it look like a essay of a native speaker of English.
English not english

imitate(verb)=
1-to copy the way someone behaves, speaks, moves etc, especially in order to make people laugh
Do not use imitate when you mean to do the same thing as someone else. Use copy instead
2-to copy something(not somebody) because you think it is good
imitate Western social customs and attitudes.
you have made just some small mistakes you yourself can find it.
let me now if you have any suggestions.
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Richard
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TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #8 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 15:16 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Kitos and Richard, thank you both! Perhaps my words will be more and more like yours. That's not bad~after all I don't have my own writing style.
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 29
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #9 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 15:22 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Thanks, Richard. I really appreciate your help and I won't neglect the usage of "imitate".
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 29
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #10 (permalink) Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:47 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Glorning wrote:
Thanks, Richard. I really appreciate your help and I won't neglect the usage of "imitate".

welcome
I see....It's one of your your paragraph.
Nice strategy.
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Richard
I'm here quite often ;-)


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TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #11 (permalink) Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:42 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Helllo Richard,

You have changed you portrait and I will be missing it a lot.

Best regards,
Nzuahp
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TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #12 (permalink) Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:19 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Hi Nzuahp
Thank you. Very Happy
I might change it again after a while,"variety is the spice of life" Wink
I'm studying English on my own and I'm busy these days, and I have less time to write. I just don't want to lose track of my friends like you.
Good luck.
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Richard
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 459

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