Google
English-Test.net
Find penpals and make new friends today!
 
kind; generous
condign
contemptuous
fatuous
benevolent
full quiz correct answer
 
Username
Password
 Remember me? 
Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

TOEFLŪ topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...



 
TOEFL Practice tests Increase your TOEFL test score with
120 Vocabulary + 100 Grammar tests
600 TOEFL flashcards plus an ESL book
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
Preparation for my TOEFLŪ Test | Essay: Important characteristics of a co-worker
listening exercisestell a friend
Message
Author
TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #1 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:35 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

I picked one paragraph from my essay on whether school should ask students to wear a uniform. Please tell me how will you write these sentences and make it look like native english. Just help yourself change the meaning and contents, if needed.
Thanks a lot!

Wearing uniforms not only decrease bad behaviors in schools, but makes students value their classmates in a wise way as well. Although we do not mean to, it is usually the case that a large number of people used to judge others by their appearance. If one student dresses well, he gives others the impression of being well educated and wealthy, improving his chances of becoming the center of his communication circle. In the same manner, other boys will surely be stimulated to imitate that student in order to appeal to pretty girls by the handsome garb. However, is that the right way to know a person? We are supposed to make friends according to their moral, loyalty, mentality and some other inner characters. When students all wear uniforms, they have more chances to judge their classmates by what they are doing, what they are thinking, and what their ambitions are, instead of what they are wearing.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an American History class
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Beijing, China

one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #2 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:48 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

Wearing uniforms not only decrease(s) bad behaviour in schools, but makes students value their classmates in an appreciative way also.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13417
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

TOEFL Prep Tests — Increase your Score with 120 free TOEFL Vocabulary TestsTOEFL Study Guide Guaranteed to Raise TOEFL scores without weeks and months of studying — View the Free ReportTOEFL Test Package — Learn the most difficult TOEFL vocabulary words you need to pass the TOEFL with these vocabulary tests and this unique flash card systemSign up for FREE and explore English! Click to subscribe to email English course
one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #3 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 14:53 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

So nice to see you are here now, Kitos. This is my first time to meet you here. Then what about the rest of the paragraph?
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Beijing, China

one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #4 (permalink) Tue Oct 13, 2009 19:12 pm   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

The remainder is faultless IMO.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13417
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform #5 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 2:34 am   one paragraph on the topic"if school should ask students to wear uniform
 

But...I mean if you write it yourself, would you use the same sentence structure or words and phrases as I did? Actually I'm not so confident in my expressions and my goal is to be recognized as a native speaker through a piece of writing, not just to make a sentence without a grammar mistake... So please be strict with me, Thank you, Kitos.
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #6 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:33 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Although (they) we do not mean to (do so), it is usually the case that a large number of people (tend) used to judge others by their (outward) appearance.

If one student dresses well, he gives others the impression of being well educated and wealthy, (thereby) improving his chances of becoming the center of his circle (of friends/associates).

In the same manner, other boys will surely be (influenced) stimulated to imitate that student in order to appeal to pretty girls by (their immaculate appearance)) the handsome garb.

However, is that the right way to know a person?
We are supposed to make friends according to their morals, loyalty, mentality and other (personal characteristics) inner characters.

When (all of the )students wear uniforms, they have more (opportunities) chances to judge their classmates by what they are doing, what they are thinking, and what their ambitions are, instead of what they are wearing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning Glorning, I think you give me more credit than I deserve in asking me to edit your text, however I have done my best.
I'm certain that Alan would have made a far better job of the task than I.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13417
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #7 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:11 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Hi Glorning
Thank you Kitos.
Glorning wrote:
Please tell me how will you write these sentences and make it look like native english.

please tell me how you will/would write these sentence...
make it look like a essay of a native speaker of English.
English not english

imitate(verb)=
1-to copy the way someone behaves, speaks, moves etc, especially in order to make people laugh
Do not use imitate when you mean to do the same thing as someone else. Use copy instead
2-to copy something(not somebody) because you think it is good
imitate Western social customs and attitudes.
you have made just some small mistakes you yourself can find it.
let me now if you have any suggestions.
_________________
Global Marketing
Richard
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 1319
Location: Malaysia (at present)

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #8 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 15:16 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Kitos and Richard, thank you both! Perhaps my words will be more and more like yours. That's not bad~after all I don't have my own writing style.
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #9 (permalink) Wed Oct 14, 2009 15:22 pm   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Thanks, Richard. I really appreciate your help and I won't neglect the usage of "imitate".
Glorning
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Beijing, China

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #10 (permalink) Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:47 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Glorning wrote:
Thanks, Richard. I really appreciate your help and I won't neglect the usage of "imitate".

welcome
I see....It's one of your your paragraph.
Nice strategy.
_________________
Global Marketing
Richard
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 1319
Location: Malaysia (at present)

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #11 (permalink) Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:42 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Helllo Richard,

You have changed you portrait and I will be missing it a lot.

Best regards,
Nzuahp
_________________
Practice makes perfect.
Nzuahp
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Posts: 571
Location: New York

TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform... #12 (permalink) Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:19 am   TOEFL topic: If school should ask students to wear uniform...
 

Hi Nzuahp
Thank you. :D
I might change it again after a while,"variety is the spice of life" :wink:
I'm studying English on my own and I'm busy these days, and I have less time to write. I just don't want to lose track of my friends like you.
Good luck.
_________________
Global Marketing
Richard
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 1319
Location: Malaysia (at present)

Display posts from previous:   
Preparation for my TOEFLŪ Test | Essay: Important characteristics of a co-worker
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1
Latest topics on TOEFL Test Forums
Neighbors are the people who live near us.in your opinion what are the qualitiesTOEFLŪ essay: Learning about the past has no value for those of usIf your friend would like to move your place means, is she likes your city...TOEFLŪ essay: Should students be given several short vacations throughout the yearTOEFLŪ Study Partner...The qualities of good friends.TOEFLŪ essay: Why do people attend college or university?Similarity of buildings throughout the world...Some students like classes where teachers lecture (do all of the talking)Why do some students study abroad?Reasons why people work other than earning a livingGrades encourage student to learn.TOEFLŪ Essay: Sydney Opera House

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Subscribe to FREE email English course
First name E-mail