 #2 (permalink) Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:15 am TOEFL® essay: Having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is bet |
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| Ff7250 wrote: |
Some people suggests(suggest) that having jobs with low paying salary (salaries) and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary(salaries) but being easy to lost. Actually, there is no uniform(common) answer to this question to this issue.??? And (don't start a sentence with and.different people with different personally and inclined to the risk.(???I don't agree with previous sentence, it's not appropriate from meaning and grammatical point of view) As far as I’m concerned, after this expression you should write something that you now or you have heard as a factI prefer to take the high salary job at least for now.
First, high salary job (a job with high salary)means(brings) high responsible or more challenge. I am in my energetic and ready to use what I learned from school and roll up my sleeves. ??? out of the main idea?You need to use your creative ideal and think out of the box which is the necessity of future success. You may fumble the ball  and lose your job, but you experience the process and enjoy the failure. While stay at a secure job, you tend to act according to regular and sooner or later you will lose your passion. Comparing with your counterparts you will have much less opportunity to get a spectacular achievement.
Secondly, as student just graduate from university, I have been financial dependent for all a long time. And my parents have sacrifice lots for me. It’s time to pay back. At the younger age, I have no own family burden and economic pressure. I could take the chance to fight for a good fortune. When it comes to the age that I need to raise kids, I can’t take the risk of losing my job.
Last but not the least, my not the type of person who is willing to regular and dull life. I was hoping all my life to do something that I would be proud of. And it’s the best time to pursue the dream, only not(not only) because I’m free of family responsibility, but also in that it’s the most possible time during ones whole life to make something happen.
On the other hand, people will change along the times. Let's step back and contemplate weather it worth to take the risk of losing everything. Money isn't everything but you can't do anything without it. In particular, having a secure job means much more in this recession.
However, taking these all into account, jobs with high salary even being easy to lost are much appealing to me. |
Beautiful- good one.
Thank you.
your essay, which is consist of 380 words is long enough and acceptable.
but in your supporting paragraphs, in some sentence, you didn't follow your main idea.
from my point of view your essay seems to be a story rather than academic one. nonetheless, enjoyable to read.
what about examples? at least a short personal story? they are indispensable to perfect your essay.
let me now if you have any suggestions.
keep writing.
Thanks.
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 Richard
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 459
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| #3 (permalink) Fri Oct 16, 2009 6:32 am TOEFL essay: Having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better |
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Thank you so much, Richard.
That was my first time to post essay here, and got feedback so quickly. I am very grateful to you for your advice.
I'll keep writing.
thanks |
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Ff7250
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 16 Oct 2009
Posts: 11
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