When the sun rises, the moon shall hide...

[Moonacre]

Hi,

I said before that I need some help in writing because I have to write something special. I thought to write a story, so I have all the ideas but I am so bad at grammar and I don't know if my writing is fine or not. So I will post what I wrote so far and please tell me what do you think. Here is it:

When the sun rises, the moon shall hide…..
Far away from the bitterness of earthy life, she was soaring with unrestricted senses of gladness, crossing the ways in the seven skies to reach her dreamy star. It is the place where the light comes, where there is nothing bad, no evil, no infidelity, and no deceit. It is the same place where her mother lives now. She was so closed to touch this light but a dark huge cloud stands against her wish. One sight for her is enough at that time to murder the malice before captured her heart. Swiftly, she can see a slice from that infinite glow before it faints. A constant stream of rhythmic memories jumped into her mind. In her memory, she can see her mother again but she cannot touch her. She can smell her perfume but she cannot feel it. Everything seems to be like the past, however, emotionless atmosphere governs the whole scene. As being in a bubble moving away by the air, she feels herself taking away from her green memories. The scene becomes too far to be touched and she tries hardly to keep it. However, reality bursts her bubble. A strange voice interfere the musical tone to put an endless end of her dream. She wakes up to see the face of her aunt. Barely, she can recognize her aunt's face, but she realizes that it's the time to back to reality. On the edge of her bed, she sits silently and her eyes move between the floor and her aunt who is searching in her closet. "Do you find anything, aunti?" she said. The sound of the closet's door shuts strongly was the answer and her aunt keeps her way out mumbling in high dudgeon.

[Cgk]

[Kitosdad]

Moonacre, I am very impressed with your first attempt. The story was dream-like in its telling, and your spelling is to be admired.
I have made no attempt to correct your writing as it has already been started, and I never interrupt the flow of an other's comments.

Well done, please continue to post.

Kitos.
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[Moonacre]

Thank you very much :)

[Nawar]

Good and nice trying, Moonacre! keep it up!

[Cgk]

You are welcome, Moonacre. If you like, post your piece again after you reworked it. I'm sure we are all interested in how it reads, then. :)

Claudia
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In the land of the ignorant, the biggest fool is king.

[Richard]

Thank you Cgk.
I appreciate your subtle mind.
I agree with you, but to be perfectly frank, I didn't pay attention carefully to what corrections you have made, because it wasn't neat.

Thank you Moonacre.
we learners all make mistake, you know in my opinion even a native speaker might make a mistake..you may face this matter in your mother tongue.
keep writing.
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[Cgk]

Did I upset anyone? :?
_________________
In the land of the ignorant, the biggest fool is king.

[Richard]

Don't worry.
I think, I think no one is upset.
how come? we are all friends. :D
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[Kitosdad]

Richard is right. No-one embarrasses or humiliates another on this Forum.

Please repost your work. Do the very best you can, and let's see the outcome.

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Cgk]

Oh, good. I'm glad. I thought for a moment that I did something wrong. I never meant to humiliate anyone and if I ever posted a text on here and somebody would correct all the errors, I wouldn't feel humiliated, either, especially if the text was important to me. :)
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In the land of the ignorant, the biggest fool is king.

[Moonacre]

Hi everyone,
Thank you all again. I'll keep it up and post it again once I reworked it.
Don't worry Claudia. I appreciate what you did. That was exactly what I wanted. I came here to learn and improve myself.

Thanks again. :)

[Richard]

Again Hi
awaiting for it.
you are actually able to put some life into your writing.
I like it.
keep writing. ;) :)
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[Carlos Lancita]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to give a good comment on the essay.

It is a good try and you are close to perfect your writing, execution is always important.

keep up the good work Moonacre!!

To cgk you have the wright to give a good or bad comment as long it's been asked by the person.

God bless you all! carlos manila