TOEFL® essay: Why do people study in college?

[Kedinvent]

Hi everyone. I'm new here.
I will appreciated for your kindly comments on my essay.
Please feel free to criticize in any aspects.

Why do people study in college?

Nowadays, no one can repudiate that studying in college is an important key in life accomplishment. Not only does it provide learners knowledge and skills for particular occupations, but it also grants precious experiences that help students adjust themselves to suit the society and cope with future-live problems. Studying in college, therefore, is a preparatory step that fundamentally influences the rest of everyone’s life. Reasons why people study in college can be generally divided into three categories.

First, many occupations require well-educated and high-skilled people, especially highly reputable professions such as a doctor and a lawyer. Additionally, study in the specific specialty increases individual value since most organizations demand experts to be involved in their parts. In other words, high education gives a better opportunity for works, positions, and communities. This also brings about the honour, respect, and glory of life.

Second, studying in college gives a chance to meet new friends and new communities. A friendship in the college is crucially important, because these friends can be companions and even soul mates in the future. A life in the college trains students an ability to socialize and adapt themselves to fit in a group. The students learn how to express and control their emotion, desire, and feeling, which eventually improves their emotional maturity.

Finally, people study in the college earns experiences apart from what they learn in the class. There are several activities they can participate and contribute to certain groups, for instance, sport clubs, game clubs, and clubs which support the university’s or community’s activities. These inspire the students’ creativity in a good and appropriate way. Besides, it teaches the students to manage their time and have responsibility to other people and, importantly, to themselves.

In conclusion, study in the college is beneficial to the learners’ knowledge, socialization, and experiences. These valuable skills develop them into qualified citizens who have a great opportunity to succeed in their lives. These are the reasons why people study in the college.

[Kitosdad]

Nowadays, no one can repudiate that studying in college is an important key in (one's) life accomplishment(s).
Not only does it provide learners (with) knowledge and skills for particular occupations, but it also (brings) precious experiences that help students (to) adjust themselves to (be adopted by higher) society, and (to) cope with (problems in their future lives).
Studying in college, therefore, is a preparatory step that fundamentally influences the rest of everyone’s life. Reasons why people study in college can be generally divided into three categories.

First, many occupations require well-educated and high-skilled people, especially highly reputable professions such as doctor(s) and lawyer(s). Additionally, study(ing a) specific specialty increases (their)individual value, since most organizations demand experts to be involved in their (groups).
In other words, high education gives a better opportunity for work, positions and communities.

Second, studying in college gives (one) (the) chance to meet new friends and new communities.
A friendship (formed) in college is crucially important, because these friends can be companions and even soul mates in the future.
A life in college (teaches) students an ability to socialize and adapt themselves to fit in a group. The students learn how to express and control their emotion(s), desire(s) and feeling(s), which eventually improves their emotional maturity.

Finally, people study in college (to gain) experiences apart from what they learn in the class.
There are several activities (in which) they can participate and contribute to certain groups, for instance, sport clubs, game clubs and clubs which support the university’s or community’s activities.
These inspire the students’ creativity in a good and appropriate way.

Besides, it teaches the students to manage their time and have responsibility to other people and, (more) importantly, to themselves.

In conclusion, study(ing) in college is beneficial to the learners’ knowledge, socialization and experiences.
These valuable skills (transform) them into qualified citizens who have a great(er) opportunity to succeed in their lives.

These are reasons why people study in college.
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Kev, that is an excellent essay. I can find nothing to fault in it. I have no former experience with the tests that you pupils have to take, nor the criteria that is set, but as a native English speaker I would be happy to have this essay submitted to me for examination. Very well done mate.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Kedinvent]

Thank you so much, Kitosdad.
Frankly speaking, I opened a dictionary a lot to have my essay finished.
And I also consulted http://thesaurus.reference.com/ to expand the vocabularies.
I hope I can write it on my own one day

By the way, please feel free to commend on my writing ideas.
This point, apart from grammatical correction, is also important in order to satisfy the audiences.

You can also fix any of my posts. I always appreciate that

[Richard]

[Kedinvent]

Thanks, Richard

I have not noticed that I should spell "honor" for TOEFL.
That's interesting.