TOEFL® essay: How has Internet changed changed your personality and real life...

[Borislav]

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Hi, I have homework to write an essay with heading "How has internet changed your personality and real life relashionship.
Here's my writing:

With the time every person changes its social and intimate life.Joining the global net, the human kind is connecting easier and finding or losing real life relashionship.
Everybody is searching for new exciting friends and events which can make him or her happier.Definitely the virtual web show us one new world ful of new acquaintances and keeping in touch with old comrades.
For example now people find even the love of their dreams in Internet, shifting their work, or just having fun.Conversations are made in some sites, with huge amount of people from different nations.That wider(I'm not sure if this is the right word for getting big) users sight view and is a soul wealth.
On the other hand you surely will waste a lot of time in the chaos web, finding needless and fake information.Also many teens become addicted to the virtual reality and forget or neglect their lifes outside.
In my opinion there are undisputed advantages of Internet as long as you see what helps your personality and ruins it.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (3)

[Borislav]

Come on ... what do you think give me some advice or feedback

[Pasban110]

Hello Borislav,
I just concentrated on your voice. To be honest it's so unclear. It seems that you are just reading from a text. However, You can improve your accent by some amazing books like 'American Accent Training,' by Ann Cook. And also, you can improve your fluency by looking at www.EffortlessEnglishClub.org
I hope they help you.

-Salivan

P.S.
Don't forget to use articles before nouns. You also have some misspelling words.
...I did a homework...

[Kitosdad]

Of course he is reading from a text ... he wrote it!

How about you trying to edit it? You appear quite proficient in English.

Boris, you sound as though you have just finished a marathon run. Slow down and take a pause at commas and full stops. It sounded like a word-race.

You speak much better on the other voice recordings that you have made on the other thread.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Pasban110]

Hello Kitosdad.
The below text is a revise version of Borislav's essay. Kitosdad, if I did something wrong, would you mind to correct me?

Hi, I did a homework about an essay about 'How has the internet changed your personality and real life relationship?'
Here's what I wrote:

Kitosdad, It there were a lot of changes that I applied. So it may seem a quite new essay. If it is so, then assume that it's my own essay with some help from Borislav's ideas.

Over time, people have changed their social life styles. By joining to the internet society, definitely the virtual society has shown us a new world full of new friends. For example, most people even find their dreams come true via the internet. It's changed their work, or just simply make them to enjoy some fun. Lots of people from different nations talk to each other easily and cheap. They there, can search for exciting friends, that could make them happy.
However, by overuse of this technology, they now lose their real life relationships too easy. It may useful to search for wanted information, but there is a lot of time that is waste through surfing the internet, because of worthless information. Many people are addicted to this virtual place that hold them back to work efficiently. By this, it surly ruins their natural life style that deprave them from family, to have real friends, and enjoyable staffs.
In my opinion, it will be good go match ourselves with the internet and use it as a useful reference by keep it in mind that not get addicted to that.

-Salivan

[Kitosdad]

Hello Kitosdad.
The below text is a revise version of Borislav's essay. Kitosdad, if I did something wrong, would you mind to correct me?

Hi, I did a homework about an essay about 'How has the internet changed your personality and real life relationship?'
Here's what I wrote:

Kitosdad, It there were a lot of changes that I applied. So it may seem a quite new essay. If it is so, then assume that it's my own essay with some help from Borislav's ideas.

Over time, people have changed their social life-styles. By joining to the Internet society, definitely the virtual society has shown us a new world, full of new friends.
For example, most people even find their dreams come true via the Internet. It's changed their work, or just simply MADE IT ABLE FOR them to enjoy some fun. Lots of people from different nations talk to each other easily and cheapLY. THERE THEY, can search for exciting friends, that could make them happy.

However, by overuse of this technology, they now lose their real life relationships too easILy. It may BE useful to search for wanted information, but there is a lot of time that is wasteD through surfing the Internet, because of worthless information. Many people are addicted to this virtual place that holdS them back FROM workING efficiently. By this, it surEly ruins their natural life-style that deprIveS them from THEIR family CIRCLE, FROM HAVING real friends, and enjoyable staffs ??????
In my opinion, it will be good To AQUAINT ourselves with the Internet and use it as a useful reference, BUT TO keep in mind not TO BECOME addicted to IT.

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Not bad Salivan, but quite a long way to travel yet my friend. Keep reading and writing.

I have sent you a PM. Access it at the top of the page which says, "You have 1 new message.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.