TOEFL® essays: Visiting museums when travelling to new place.

[Marc2]

Hi,

could you please correct my essay, or at least give me some tips, what to do better next time? It was my first essay which I wrote for TOEFL (it's a bit longer than it actually should be; I didn't write it in 30 but in 35 minutes I have to admit - next time I'll manage the time better, but it was a bit hard at the first time):

Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums?

Museums are of big importance being institutions of language, history, geography, history and culture in general. Even if people nowadays tend to be not as interested in cultural aspects as generations before have been, it is relevant to ask whether people still visit museums today, especially if they get to a new place they have not been before. I can think of at least three reasons why people visit museums.

The first reason is that visitors, getting to a new place, are interested in informing themselves about this place. This aspect especially refers to historical questions of the place the museum visitor has travelled to. For example when I was in Egypt three years ago, I visited the national museum, located in Cairo, in order to get information about how the state of Egypt was organized about 500, 1000 or even 2000 years ago. However, not only did I visit the museum to learn about Egypt’s history but also about economic aspects, for example the importance of oil in the past as well as in the present. Being of the opinion that intercultural communication, especially based on informing oneself about the history of a place, is very important, I think that this is a main reason for people to visit museums when travelling to new places.

The second reason is that visiting museums means having fun for many visitors. That is because museums can show things such as sculptures or maps which visitors have not seen in their life, yet. Thus, the new place does not only offer them the opportunity to get information about the place itself, as described in the first paragraph, but also to get away from a monotone life with much routine. For myself this aspect was a quite important one as far as my visit of the Egyptian National Museum is concerned. Interested in culture very much, it was fun to see pictures of sculptures or pharaohs I have only read about in books before. Of course this reason is strictly related to your own interested. Nevertheless having fun, relaxing and trying to do something new, is very important when visiting a museum, located in a place you have not been before.

The third reason for people visiting museum when they travel to new places is connected to the first reasons which I would like to summarize with the noun “intercultural communication”. However, whereas the first paragraph deals with history, you should also recognize that you get in contact with many other people of other places when visiting a museum in another place. For example you can talk to people from the country the museum is located in as well as to people who just travel to this place. This seems to be a very important point since natives are not always happy with tourists just getting to their native country in order to go to the beach or to stay in the hotel. By visting a museum, the travellers could show the natives their interest about the natives’ country which will make them happy since they can recognize that having holidays also means getting in contact with natives. So this reason seems to be more important than the one mentioned in the first paragraph with regard to “intercultural communication” since the visitors are not only interested in the history of the country but also in the habitants of the country.

All in all, there are at least three main reasons which you should pay attention to when answering the question why people who travel to a new place often visit museums. Whereas two reasons are related to the communication between cultures, in the first case regarding history and culture in general, in the second case regarding the habitants of the country, there is also the reason that you will enjoy in a museum, if you are interested in culture and meeting new people. Consequently, there are not any reasons which you can relate to every visitor as the visitor himself, especially his own interests, are of big relevance when talking about his reasons to visit a museum in a place he has travelled to.

Thank you very much!

[Kitosdad]

Hi Marc. This was a pretty good essay. You made some very valid and relevant points.

Little correction is required so I shan't bother.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Marc2]

Thank you very much!

What does "shan't" mean?

Could you guess how the essay would be rated in the TOEFL test?

[Kitosdad]

Shan't means "I shall not".

I'd rate it 26/30

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Richard]

You have written 690 words in 35 minutes!?
pretty good! How did you put that much idea into your writing while you were writing in haste?
If I were you, I would write less and I'd concentrate on grammar and using more advanced words. Besides, I couldn't have written that much in this topic.

[Marc2]

Well maybe it's because I'm quite fast at writing on the computer

Yes, I always forget about the short forms - what do you mean by "advanced words"? Are the lists?

[Richard]

sorry I meant advanced vocabulary....because as far as I'm aware one the criteria for scoring in TOEFL test is using advanced vocabulary with a high degree of accuracy.
_________________
The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

[Marc2]

Could you maybe give me any examples? I don't really know how to learn new words, or at least how to learn new words in order to use them actively...

[Richard]

Hi Marc2
If you ask me as a learner, I'd say: since you want to demonstrate how skillful you are at writing in English with a few words you'd write in the test, you should not use basic vocabulary like the word "good". instead use words such as acceptable, admirable, desirable, pleasurable, enjoyable, worthwhile, valuable, and so on. albeit, regarding the words you need to perfect your sentences and the meaning of them, which would enrich your essay and put some life into it. It was just my personal opinion;let me know if you have any suggestions. The answer of your second question varies from person to person, everyone has his/her own method to learn new words and in the cafe of usage of the words I suggest using of English-to-English dictionary and try to apply each words by following up the examples, which the dictionary would provide you with. In addition, as we all know, reading and writing skills in English are linked to each other, likewise the other languages. Therefore, the more you read the more you will improve in writing. As for me I prefer to read something and learn new words gradually rather than memorizing words one by one. If you are capable of writing such an essay like the above-written essay, you are good at writing and you yourself can evaluate your writings. so needless to seek more help. Just passing a comment is enough for you from my viewpoint.
keep writing and post them here. in this way not only will you make new friends but you also contribute to others improvement process positively.so keep up the good work.
Good luck with your writing...Hope to read a new essay of you soon.
_________________
The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

[Marc2]

Hi,

thank you very much for your answer!

First, I agree with you; the biggest weakness of my English definetly is the vocabulary as far as the "quantity" as well as the "quality" goes. I've often thought that I should improve in this aspect; however, I don't really know where/how to start; I'm not sure where to search for new words - of course I just could learn them by reading a dictionary; but this isn't really valuable, is it? In this case the chance to transform these words into my "active vocabulary" is quite low I believe; reading might be helpful, but I've gained the experience that - in order to learn the words I encountered while reading - I have to stop reading, so I can write the words down and just learn them; this just isn't fun; thus, I often don't want to read anymore. If I just read a text, I of course also understand new words regarding the context; but then I won't have these words in my "active vocabulary".
So overall, I'm not sure how to start, whether I should begin by just learning synonyms, by just reading, by just looking for new words in the dictionary and writing them down.

[Marc2]

Noone can help me?

[Migodu]

Hi, Marc, I think during the daily dialogue you could try to refuse to use the easy word, such as good, bad. Then you will have the motivation to use the advanced vocabularies.

[Kitosdad]

"but then I won't have these words in my "active vocabulary".

You are quite wrong Marc. Every word you have used you have learned and incorporated into your active vocabulary.

Don't set the bar too high for yourself. My advice is that you should continue to read, not only in a dictionary, but complete text.
The very fact that you understand these words, and their meaning in the text, illustrates that you can absorb them and they will surface in your active vocabulary.

Kitos.
_________________
If you need me, I'm here.

[Marc2]

Hey,

you wrote "every word you have used"; that seems to be the problem - is it enough just to LEARN the vocabulary (german->english)? I won't have the possibility to use all the words, I have learnt, in my essays if they are not suitable.

Finally, you wouldn't recommend learning vocabularies on the basis of those long lists consisting of about 1500 words, specifically created for TOEFL?