Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money,...

[Vahan]

Although many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money I prefer to earn a comfortable living. As we know the main purpose of each human being is to increase his wealth because it is said that how much you are earning, as much lack of money you will have.

It is obvious that you can’t get large amount of money without sacrificing something. First, large salary jobs need to spend a lot of time in workplace. That’s mean that you will not have enough time to spend with your family which is very bed, because it’s very important to spend time with family. Of course you can buy everything for your kids, but it will be better them to see you more then have a lot of toys. Second, many large salary jobs sometimes associated with high risk and many businessmen are very nervous. Besides that risk will not refer only to you it also will refer to your family. And I think that for sake of money you must not sacrifice yourself. Thirdly you will not enough time to eat normal.

The same thing we can’t say about low salary jobs. In this case you will have time to spend with your family you can play football, basketball with your kids, which is better than any kind of toy. Your nerves always will be calm. Besides you will be healthy because you will have time to exercise and eat at home with your family, which is better then any kind of restaurant.

So, taking into consideration all this we can conclude that for normal living and for your family it’s better to earn a comfortable living instead of make large amounts of money.

[Vahan]

Is it good?

[Kitosdad]

Not really. Reads as though you were in a hurry to get it finished, but you had insufficient ideas to make it interesting.

Don't write just for something to do. Try to give it some prior thought before beginning to write.

Kitos.
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If you need me, I'm here.

[Richard]

Hi Vahan
I quite agree with Kitos.
However, better than first one.
you yourself think that your sentences are correct? just double check them from grammatical viewpoint and ponder whether they make sense to yourself or not. sound vague to me...If they are right, let me know.

don't use short forms in your essays:
like
don't(short form)= do not
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The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

[Vahan]

Ok, thanks!!!