TOEFL® essay: Are parents the best teachers?

[Naiverock]

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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There is no doubt that parents would treat their children as well as they can and also are doing their best to give their children the best education. But I think it's far from truth that parents are the best teachers.

First and foremost, not all parents have set a perfect example to their children, though they are trying their best to do so. Everyone may have some bad habits. So do the parents. Usually a kid starts to learn about this world through their parents' eyes and opinions. Kids will simply imitate their parents' behaviors including the good habits and bad ones. There are some surveys showing that the children whose parents got divorced when they are very young have a bigger possibility to get involved in criminal or autism when they grow up. I think the blame should be placed on the bad impact brought by parents.

Besides, parents' professional knowledge and living skills are very limited. Since the human civilization has been in such a swift development nowadays, it's much harder to be an expert in a specific realm, let alone several realms or the whole. Before their children entering school, parents probably are able to teach children how to adjust themselves to the world. However, as children grow up, the limited knowledge and skills parents can provide won't satisfy their children any more. When that moment comes, good teachers children need will be books and school teachers.

What's more, though parents have the intention and inspiration to bring their children to be a best matured grown-up, they may lack of the requisite education skills. That's why we have seen a lot of disobedient children. As a saying goes, easy to be a parent, but not easy to be a good parent. Without good communication skills and other necessary abilities, parents' many efforts of cultivation and instruction probably turn out to be futile in the end and even worse as an opposite impact.

To sum up, we can't deny parents are important teachers to their children, but they are far from the best.
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total: 40m ; 345words
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[Ulker]

Hi Naiverock. I didn't read your essay, but i looked trough. I think you should improve conclusion.

[Naiverock]

You are probably right.
What about I changing the last paragraph as below:

To sum up, I think the answers to who're the best teachers to children may vary a lot according to the different periods and different circumstances. It's undeniable that in some time, especially when children are still infant, parents are the best teachers to children. But to draw the conclusion that parents are the best teachers is unconvincing and irresponsible.
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[Tomasito]

In my opinion the best teacher for a child is himself/herself. That's because I think that the parents nowadays don't know the concept of education. Unfortunatily there're parents who prefer to learn how to take care their children in magazins, tv or internet because of the simple reason that they don't know to do it. What do children should do is to learn whith their own experience.
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I am the product of my education and experience.

[Naiverock]

I think children should at least learn some basic abilities from their parents and teachers when they are still infant, so that they can be able to live in this world and experience their specular lives as well.
According to a documentary series recorded by BBC, a newborn baby has merely no biological difference between the ape man's child two hundred thousands ago. That surroundings and parents' cultivation vary a lot is the crucial reason that make us real modern humans.
Experiences of an individual could not be the best teachers during one's infant period, as far ad I am concerned. But, when we grow up, the experience are indeed very important to us.
Glad to exchange ideas with you.
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[Ulker]

In toefl topics it's not right to write so "It's " you should write it is.

[Naiverock]

How's that possible? Are you sure, Ulker?
As far as I know, the writing part is rated by American professors. They should know the abbreviation.
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It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.

[RichardW]

Good morning Dear Naiverock
I agree with Ulker
Yes, as far as I am aware, In formal letters, essays and on the tests you should not use the short forms.
These days, I've pretty hectic days so that I just skimmed your essay, It was not bad from my vantage point, however you have made some mistakes, like:
to get involved incriminal(crimes/sth)(or you could have used "commit crime")
In the first paragraph you should have used simple present tenses.and: parents want to provide an excellent educations to their children as much as they can.(seems better to me.)some other mistakes you have made are evident, you can find out yourself.
Let me know if you have any suggestions.
Good luck with your test.
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The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

[Naiverock]

Thank you so much for spending your precious time on revising my writing, especially these busy days. It is really of great help to me.
I have began doing some simulative test. Due to the timing issue, I feel a little too nervous during the writing part. But, I think I can fit in.
By the way, it's about the time for me to go to bed. So, I would say, good night!
_________________
It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.

[Ulker]

i am sure Naiverock.
In the speaking part you can use such short forms,( not can , but must use) but not in writing part.
I know it because, i have gone to toefl courses.

[Naiverock]

Thank you for your advice, Ulker.
_________________
It will sure be a lot of fun here to make friends with you guys.

[Ulker]

You are welcome.

[RichardW]

Good morning Naiverock
I had made some suggestion for sel and Marc2- To some up my suggestions for you, which might be helpful for you:

1-Use capital 'I' for the pronoun.
2-Leave no space before and one space after a comma, semicolon, colon or full stop.
3-Build your vocabulary; you should use a word one time in an essay. (now, you have no time for that so just try to avoid using words repetitively as much as you can)
4-capitalize the first letters of your words, which your sentences begin with and bear in mind to capitalize the first letter of the names.
5-from my viewpoint, since you want to demonstrate how much skillful you are at writing in English with a few words you'd write in the test, you should not use basic vocabulary like the word "good". instead use words such as acceptable, admirable, desirable, pleasurable, enjoyable, worthwhile, valuable, and so on. albeit, regarding the words you need to perfect your sentences and the meaning of them, which would enrich your essay and put some life into it.

Please ignore my suggestions whenever you feel the need to.

Hi dear Ulker

[Ulker]

Hi Richard jACK. iN OUR LANGUANGE WE SAY IT IN THIS WAY, THAT IS why it is possible for me to make such a mistake while expressing my thoughts in english.
Thank you for your correcting.

[RichardW]

Hi Ulker
you're welcome.
It's my pleasure.
please click on the link and read it:
10.) What does SHOUTING mean?
Thanks.
_________________
The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein