I would be so grateful if someone correct essay. Luck vs. hard work

[Aghmore]

"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success."
Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

Hardly could one be found who overlook the worth being industrious person in life. As a matter of fact, with a superficial glance maybe this inspiration comes to mind of a naive person that being a lucky one is the best, most fast, and convenient way to being successful. But, in my view, technical today's world definitely requires worthwhile effort to provide someone with success and welfare at least for three reasons.

First of all, people, nowadays, are living in an industrial environment which needs education and experience as well. No one is worth hiring in a job position without having knowledge about it. At the first stage of finding a job, though, one may has a conspicuous luck to deal with a job hunter, preserving the position, with no any doubt, needs experience to handle the working problems. It goes without saying that, luck would not have any performance to preserving a job position.

Secondly, being lucky generally is an occasional event but not permanent one. In reality, it is unlikely to be a lucky person for whole life. Chiefly, lucky person who always has the chance to be winner only can be found in myths and legends. For example, my favorite character, Look, in Lucky Look cartoons is such an imaginary person. In our real life, merely could very few people be found having constant and steady luck in all realm of their life.

Sometimes it is kind of luck to invent or discover a new things, but those cases are not ample. For instance, rarely is one able to name more than ten familiar lucky persons. In the other hand, instances of industrious and successful person are too high to count for all of us. Habitually, we esteem something that is hard to be found. Briefly speaking, in our mind luck is worthy of respect due to its rare nature. While luck is a rare situation, it is not rational to consider it as a solid and confidence means to reach success.

As a conclusion, although, luck may have a considerable portion is one's successful life, it is not a permanent, steady, and even always worthy of respect matter. Hard Work and exercise as a confident means to gain knowledge and better understanding of life might coincide with luck. This situation only hastens the time needed to successes.

TOEFL listening discussions: What position does Cindy play?

[Aghmore]

Hi ladies and gentlemen

Please revise my assay. I do need your help.

Thanks a lot in forward.

[Kitosdad]

Aghmore, you try so hard, and fail so tragically, to hold the readers attention.

Please...................... try to keep it simple. Concentrate on sentence structure and tenses.

I know just how difficult it is. Put the dictionary away and do lots more reading.
Notice the flow and how the writer holds your interest.

Kitos.

ps. Sorry for being so damned negative.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.