People are living longer now in general

[JoshOctura]

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

The above notion “people are living longer now in general” can be interpreted in two different ways. The first interpretation would be that people’s lifespan in the present are longer compared to that of the lifespan of the people in the past and the second interpretation would be that people’s lifestyle nowadays are easier due to technological advancements thus making every task, every responsibility and every obligation of each individual longer due to procrastination and strong attachment brought about by the scientific innovations. I disagree with the former since it is obviously wrong to claim that people are living longer nowadays. The people during Biblical times lived for a very long time. The oldest man, Methuselah, who ever lived in the world even reached 969 years and he existed during the Old Testament – before Jesus was born. Contemplating on the previously mentioned fact, I began to form ideas and opinions in mind why the lifespan of people in the present generation are relatively shorter than that of the people before. Myriad reasons just bombarded my mind why these things are happening. Well, we really have a totally different way of living now. Unlike the people thousands of years ago, we are living in a voraciously unhealthy lifestyle. It is just that technology distorted our perspective of having a healthy living. Instant foods are in the supermarkets, convenience stores, food stalls, pubs and everywhere. And these foods, for example, contain ingredients that are not really good for the body. MSG, an abbreviation for the chemical substance “monosodium glutamate” used to make the food more flavorful and delicious can cause cancer if severely accumulated in the system of the human body. Even the modern gadgets like IPODs, MP3s, laptops, desktop computers, and mobile phones emit radiation that will make your skin more prone to cancer. No matter how thick your melanin pigment is, this harmful radiation, emitted by most of these modern gadgets, is able to penetrate your skin thus losing its ability to protect you from predisposing factors of dreadful diseases. In addition to that, scientific research found out that excessive use of these devices makes an individual depressed. Arguments may sprout that modern medical discoveries will make people nowadays live longer but these discoveries are proven not enough to lengthen an individual’s life. In fact, there are a number of lethal diseases that remains incurable until now.

The second interpretation is still related to the modernization we are presently enjoying. It has been the most widely held perception that technology makes our work easier. It is true but we have to bear in mind that it is sometimes making us even lazier. Some tend to just fully rely on innovations leading to a more dependent, sluggish, potato couch – type of lifestyle. It is undeniably true that in many ways modernization makes individuals being handcuffed and fettered to procrastination. And because of that I really agree on the latter interpretation for it is making us live longer, meaning making our daily work, activities and responsibilities longer due to unexpected laziness caused by the seemingly advantageous modernization spirit.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many chemicals are required for the girl's experiment?

[Naz]

Hi Joshoctura,
Your essay is good and up to the mark.
One question is ringing in my mind that should we make changes in it.
Great Job!
Naz

[Kitosdad]

Undoubtedly you will get good marks, but your written work is let down by your seeming reluctance to make use of commas at the appropriate points.

An excellently written essay Josh.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[JoshOctura]

Thank you very much for the comments. I was really waiting for the time when people would just be leaving comments on my essay. Im a bit of anxious though because my examination is on the 5th of December and I have not studied well yet. Does it really take a long quality time of studying to get a remarkable grade in the TOEFL? I am really targetting for a good mark for me to get accepted in my chosen graduate institution.

Thanks Kitos and Naz! I will work on what you guys have suggested. Anyway, NAz, what changes should be made for it to be more comprehensible? because you said it was somewhat abstruse and obscure. Thank you very much again and GOd bless us all!

[Naz]

Anyway, NAz, what changes should be made for it to be more comprehensible? because you said it was somewhat abstruse and obscure. Thank you very much again and GOd bless us all![/quote]

Hi Joshoctura,

A good essay must have beginning,middle and end.Beginning(introduction)middle(anylsis and support or refute)Ending(self opinion,but the sum and substance of the relevant essay.No boubt,your effort was remarkable but at the end of this essay you should have focused on the end as well.Actually the thing is that in exam student wants to make examiner understand each and everything it is the quotation of one of my lecturers.
I hope you would be eye an eye to me. :lol:
Thank you very much to point taken my comments.
God bless you :!:
Naz.