TOEFL® essay: Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking...

[Tuwichi]

Hi,
Although my first essay has not been reviewed by anybody yet, I am again posting my today's essay with the hope that this time definately somebody will review it and give me comments to improve my writing style.

It is my humble request to Kitosdad or anybody to review my both the essays and amend me. My toefl exam is on 16 jan 10 and GRE is on 20 feb 10, so I really need to improve my writing within this short time. Please help me.
Thank you.

"Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."

Today’s era is a period of development and competition. If you are into any competition then the bible rule is you have to take chances or certain risks in order to increase the probability factor of success. The best example to support previous point is: Stock exchange market and Business world. Although careful and cautious planning is also an important factor, it should be taken into consideration in a limited time in order to gain success.

In today’s world the only constant thing is change and development. The business world is expanding its boundaries like a chain reaction and it would be difficult to survive for oneself among many competitors. If we analyze the mobile manufacturing companies then the graph shows that if one company say Blackberry has come up in market with a new feature say music player or new version then it will be necessary for its competitors like Motorola, Nokia, etc to launch a better product having music player with additional features in a limited time in order to compete. Here requires the ability to take chances and risks in order to compete and succeed. If Motorola emphasized more on careful and cautious planning then it is more likely that Blackberry would have launched a new feature like a location navigator when Motorola is still busy in implementing and launching a music player with additional feature. This trend directly affects the stock exchange market listings of a company. Therefore, there are more chances of getting success through taking chances or risks.

Moreover, there are few cases of careful and cautious planning that ended up with failures. The best example to support this is the economy crisis which today’s world is going through. Many banks faced money crisis and results to bankruptcy. Hence it is not certain that careful and cautious planning would lead to success.

In conclusion, success comes more often to those who are good at taking chances and risks. Now a day’s careful and cautious planning has become an additional factor instead of primary factor. Technical world needs spontaneity which is only possible through the ability of taking risks in an efficient way.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and a professor in the professor's office

[Kitosdad]

"Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."[/b]

Today’s era is a period of development and competition. If you are into any competition then the bible rule is THAT you have to take chances or certain risks in order to increase the probability factor of YOUR success.
The best example to support previous MY point is: Stock exchange market and Business world. Although careful and cautious planning is also an important factor, it should be taken into consideration WITHIN A LIMITED TIME-FRAME in order to gain success.

In today’s world the only constant is change and development. The business world is expanding its boundaries like a chain reaction, and it would be difficult to survive for oneself among many competitors.

If we WERE TO analyse the mobile manufacturing companies, then the graph shows that if one company, say Blackberry, has INTRODUCED TO THE market a new feature say, A NEW music player or A newER version, then it will be necessary for its competitors like Motorola, Nokia, etc to launch a better product, LIKE having A music player with additional features in a limited time in order to compete.

Here WE ASSESS the ability to take chances and risks in order to compete and succeed. If Motorola CONCENTRATED more on careful and cautious planning, then it is more likely that Blackberry would have TO launch a new feature, like a location navigator, WHILE Motorola is CONCENTRATING ON implementing and launching a music player with additional featureS.
This trend directly affects the stock exchange market listings of a company. Therefore, there are more chances of getting success through taking chances or risks.

Moreover, there are a few cases of careful and cautious planning that HAVE ended up with failures. The best example to support this is the economy crisis which today’s world is going through. Many banks faced A money-SHORTAGE crisis WHICH RESULTED IN THEIR bankruptcy. Hence it is not certain that careful and cautious planning would lead to success.

In conclusion, MY OPINION IS THAT success comes more often to those who are good at taking chances and risks. (Nowaday’s) careful and cautious planning has become an additional factor instead of THE primary factor.
THE technical world needs spontaneity, which is only possible through the ability TO takE risks in an efficient way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An interesting essay. I liked it. Well done. Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Tuwichi]

Thank you so much Kitosdad for reviewing my essay. I believe this would be a great help from you. Atleast there is someone to correct me.

Thanks once again!!! :D