People buy things not because they need them but because other people have them?

[Cherry88cn]

Can you help me revise it?Thanks...

In contemporary society, purchasing popular products is increasingly becoming a common phenomenon. But meanwhile, many people believe we are buying more and more useless goods simply because other people have them. Personally, I maintain this is quite true and the reason behind it is obvious.

First of all, it is generally accepted that we are prone to be influenced by others. We would not be delighted if we do not own whatever others own. For example, when my father realized most of our neighbors have more than one car, he began to plan to purchase another car even if he did not really need another one. This offers an illustrative example validating the influence is crucial among people. This case is not rare, in reality, we are frequently affected by others behavior, others activities and others situation.

Besides, another reason to explain why I believe we are buying excessive goods because others buy them is we are psychologically craving to enjoy a high standard of life compared with other people. Our minds may be filled with a sense of failure as long as we find we have lost some articles while other people have already owned. I have just read a study published in a Japanese Journal of Higher Psychological Research where a psychologist highlighted that in his experience, the sense of lacking important products would lead to depression.

Last but not least, there are so many commercial around us that we are always encouraged to buy more and more products. Most of the time we can calm down and pick up what we really want, however, sometimes we still buy things impulsively as a result of the advertising or the persuading saleswomen. According to a poll made by a number of journalists in my city, more than 80% of the consumers admit they have the experience of shopping without reason.

Apparently, nowadays we often buy excessive worthless goods as a consequent of we know others buy them.
Undeniably, the majority of products we have brought is essential for us and even those activities of purchasing useless things contribute to the market economy. Nevertheless, I am convinced that it seems highly advisable for us to pay attention to this phenomenon and carefully plan to buy things properly.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the young woman sit in the rear seat of the car?

[Kitosdad]

In contemporary society, purchasing popular products is increasingly becoming a common phenomenon. But meanwhile, many people believe we are buying more and more useless goods simply because other people have them. Personally, I maintain this is quite true and the reason behind it is obvious.

First of all, it is generally accepted that we are prone to BEING INFLUENCED by others. We would not be delighted if we do not own whatever others own.
For example, when my father realized most of our neighbors HAD more than one car, he began to plan to purchase another car even THOUGH he did not really need another. This offers an illustrative example validating the influence WHICH/THAT is crucial among people. This case is not rare, in reality, we are frequently affected by others behavior, others activities and other situationS.

ADDITIONALLY, another reason to explain why I believe we are buying excessive goods ONLY because others buy them, is we are psychologically craving to enjoy a highER standard of life compared TO other people.

Our minds may be filled with a sense of failure SIMPLY BECAUSE we find we DON'T have some articles WHICH/THAT other people have.
I have just read a study published in a Japanese Journal of Higher Psychological Research, where a psychologist highlighted that in his experience, the sense of lacking important products, COULD lead to depression.

Last but not least, there are so many commercial TEMPTATIONS/ADVERTISEMENTS/INDUCEMENTS around us that we are always encouraged to buy more and more products.
Most of the time we can calm down and pick up what we really want, however, sometimes we still buy things impulsively as a result of the advertising or DUE TO THE PERSUASION OF THE salesPERSON.

According to a poll made by a number of journalists in my city, more than 80% of consumers admit THAT they have HAD the experience of shopping without reason.

Apparently, nowadays we often buy excessive worthless goods as a consequenCE of knowING others HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT them.
Undeniably, the majority of products we have bought ARE essential for us and even those activities of purchasing useless things contribute to the market economy. Nevertheless, I am convinced that it seems highly advisable for us to pay attention to this phenomenon and carefully plan to buy things AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You have written a well planned essay here Cherry. You write well. Read more!

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Cherry88cn]

Thank you so much....
But I want to ask why you use "we are prone to BEING INFLUENCED by others" when you revise my first sentence in the second paragraph. I am not sure why "being" should be used here. Why not "be"?
I really appreciate your help...

[Kitosdad]

You allow yourself to "be" influenced by others, or by adverts.

You find yourself "being" influenced by others, or by adverts.

Hope that clears it up for you.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Cherry88cn]

Thanks so much...
What's more, I am thrilled to find out the topic in this essay is really like the TOEFL essay today which I have taken!!!
I am sooooooo grateful...because you helped to to revise and I am sure I will do a good job in this writing part...
O(∩_∩)O~
Have a good day! And I wish you happy every day...

[I Hate Toefl]

I've taken TOEFL IBT today and this was the topic of the indepandant writing section.. it was a lot easier than I excpected.

I agreed with the statment and gave an example of the BlackBerry revelotion and how it has reached everyone's hand without needing a complicated device like the BlackBerry. I also mentiond something about the companies and the influnce that they make on buyrs and how they persuade them.

I screwd in the listining this time... -_-

[Cherry88cn]

I do think the listening part is really toooooooooooo difficult for me.....
I am worrying about it....
I will pray that we get reach the score we expected

[I Hate Toefl]

I see it easy but this time I was like what the hell???????!!!

What made things worse was the stupid loud voice of one of the workers at the test centre. He kept screaming and yalling while the passages were running. I was so pissed!!!!!

I never liked this test centre in the first place and I wanted to take the TOEFL somewhere else but my parents didn't want me to travel just to take a test, they just didn't see it was worth it '-_-
I beilve my score will be around 15-18 and I'll have to retake this stupid test again becuase of the listening section this time =

anyway, best of luck

[Cherry88cn]

It is said the score will be published on 8th of Dec....Let's wait and see...

[I Hate Toefl]

Oh!!

3 days after my SAT test!! -_-