TOEFL® writing essays: Highways or transportation

[Ducminhkhoi]

hi, everyone!. I'm learning to prepare for the toefl ibt test. I have many essays that I wrote, but I don't know they are good or not. I hope that everyone can help me to fix and give comment for me. Thank a lot.
my first essays:

topics: highways or transportation.

my essays:

When asked about which the government should do when it receives amount of money, many people have different ideas. They can choose to support for the facilities such as the roads and highways. But other people think that they should use this money to upgrade the vehicles and public transportation such as buses and underground. Personally speaking, I support for the second idea because of some reasons follow.

First, you can see the advantages of building more highway and roads. They will increase the potential of transportation. It means that goods and people will be transfer faster, so it will save a lot of time for people to do many things. Over all it will stimulate the national economy. I remember the time that I was very young, moving from my hometown to Ho Chi Minh City took about one day by train while it is just about 500 km. Fortunately, the government invest a lot of money to build a new high way to connect my hometown to HCMC, so now, it just takes about 6 hours to do this. Furthermore, highway means that no other roads cut the highway, many vehicles just drive in one direction so lessen the accident related to road.

However, the advantages of upgrading the public transportation surpass the highway’s one. The first and clearly reason is that it will reduce the traffic congestion in the city. So no more air pollution or sound pollution can be faced with. As the result the physical and mental health of the citizens will be improved a lot. Besides that many people will save a huge amount of money for spending the cost of fuel such as gas, oil, diesel, parking fee and especially the insurance for their cars. In my country, the insurance for cars is very high about 100 $ per year, that’s not acceptable in my country because my country is a developing country.

Besides that, there is also more important reason why I choose to improve the public transportation. That is it will encourage sense of community. If people travel and go to work by their own cars, there are no more chances for them to interact with each other. But when you go to work by buses, it seems to be changed a lot. People have many things to discuss, from their own family problem to the result of the football match last night for example. All in all, the relationship between people will improve a lot.

In conclusion, when taking into account all these merits and drawbacks that I have numerated we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the advantages of upgrading the public transportation overcomes the highway’s ones. Not only does it save the environment, but also it warms up the relationship between people.

[Kitosdad]

When asked about WHAT the government should do when it receives AN amount of money, many people have different ideas. They can choose to support for A BETTER INFRASTRUCTURE, such as the roads and highways.
But other people think that they should use this money to upgrade the vehicles and public transportation such as buses and underground. Personally speaking, I support the second idea because of THE reasons follow.

First, you can see the advantages of building more highway and roads. They will increase the potential FOR transportation. It means that goods and people will be ABLE TO transfer faster, so it will save a lot of time TO ENABLE people to do MANY OTHER things.
Overall it will stimulate the national economy.

I remember the time WHEN I was very young, moving from my home-town to Ho Chi Minh City took about A day by train ALTHOUGH it is ONLY about FIVE HUNDRED KILOMETRES AWAY.
Fortunately, the government HAS investED a lot of money to build a new highway to connect my home-town to HCMC, so now, it ONLY takes about 6 hours to do this. Furthermore, highway means that no other roads cut INTO the highway, THEREFORE many vehicles drive ONLY in one direction AND THIS lessenS the AMOUNT OF accidentS related to THE road.

However, the advantages of upgrading the public transportation surpass the highway’s one. The first and MOST CLEAR reason is that it will reduce traffic congestion in the city. So no more air or sound pollution
ALsO, AS A RESULT OF THIS the physical and mental health of the citizens will be improved a lot.
Besides that, many people will save a huge amount of money BY NOT HAVING TO MEET THE the cost of fuel such as gas, oil, diesel, parking feeS and especially the insurING OF their cars.
In my country, the insurance COSTS for cars is very high, about 100 $ per year, that’s not acceptable, because WE ARE a developing country.

Besides that, there is also A more important reason why I WOULD choose to improve the public transportation. That is, it will encourage A sense of community. If people travel to work IN their own cars, there are no more chances for them to interact with otherS.
But when you go to work by bus, people have many things to discuss, from their own family problems, to the result of the football match last night for example. All in all, the relationship between people will improve a lot.

In conclusion, when taking into account all these merits and drawbacks that I have enumerated we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the advantages of upgrading the public transportation IS FAR SUPERIOR TO the highway’s. Not only does it save the environment, but also it warms up the relationship between people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not a bad essay my friend, not bad at all.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple. Keep it interesting.