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A company will build a large factory near your community...



 
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A company will build a large factory near your community... #1 (permalink) Sun Nov 29, 2009 21:57 pm   A company will build a large factory near your community...
 

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

I am a beginner writer and I wish you correct my essay and graded it from 0-5

In the last century, there are a lot of factories have been built in the cities, they bring their good and bad effect to the community as we will see.

Building a factory near my community has some advantages. First of all, new job will be created so the rate of unemployment will decrease especially in the nearest places to the factory and that will increase the standard of living. The second reason, if the factory open , new shops ( like restaurants, coffee shop…) and schools will open to meet the increase demand for these services.

However, there are a lot of disadvantages of building factories inside the cities. First, many employees have their private cars so they will cause a lot of traffic and accident. Second, in most times the factories emission a lot of smoke so they will pollute the environment not just around the community but even the global environment.

There are two opposite sides for opening a new factory in any community, and I definitely oppose that ,because when we make any decision we must look to the good and bad consequence in long and short time, so the bad consequence of building a new factory in my community is larger than the good one.

TOEFL listening lectures: How would you describe the results of the Viking biological experiments?
Aliah.
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Joined: 22 Nov 2009
Posts: 9

A company will build a large factory near your community... #2 (permalink) Mon Dec 07, 2009 23:06 pm   A company will build a large factory near your community...
 

Aliah. wrote:
In the last century, there are(were) a lot of factories (that) have (had) been built in the cities, they bring(brought) their good and bad effect to the community as we will see.(? be careful about using the tenses in your sentences)
The second reason(merit),
the increase(increasing) demand for these services.
However,(on the other hand) there are a lot of disadvantages
There are two (different perspectives on) opposite sides foropening a new factory


Hi Aliah.
Your essay which has consisted of 210 words is too short in length. As far as I know, there is a counter on the TOEFL test that will count your words of essay. If you want to write a perfect essay you are expected to write at least 300 words.
Best of luck.
_________________
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Richard
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Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 1330
Location: Malaysia (at present)

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A company will build a large factory near your community... #3 (permalink) Tue Dec 08, 2009 4:09 am   A company will build a large factory near your community...
 

thank you verrrrrrrry much for your advices :)

I'll try my beast Insa'Allah
Aliah.
New Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2009
Posts: 9

A company will build a large factory near your community... #4 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 0:38 am   A company will build a large factory near your community...
 

Hi Aliah.
You're welcome. I'm a learner too, just maybe more experienced than you, so ignore my suggestions whenever you feel the need to. write more and use appropriate tenses and grammatical structure in your next essay.
Best of luck.
_________________
Who dares to teach must never cease to learn. -John Cotton Dana
Richard
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 1330
Location: Malaysia (at present)

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