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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.



 
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TOEFLŪ essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation | Reading and editing your essays.
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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. #1 (permalink) Mon Dec 07, 2009 18:24 pm   In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
 

There are a great number of people opposing to the idea that teenagers should haves jobs while they are still students. It is certainly challenging to the students with a job to perform well in exam because of many reasons. However, I think that it is still more beneficial to take a job than only to study when being school due to the financial benefit, the gain of experience.

To begin with, it is obviously that to have a job will makes us get more financial incomes. Instead of only depending on the family support, we can earn money by ourselves to cover for many extra expenses such as a gift to friend's birthday or dating fee. Furthermore, spending time on earning money is also a way to reduce the time to spend money. For example, instead we go around with our friends, we spend that time for a job; it as a result will be more useful and saving.

Next, having a job while still students makes us more experienced on every aspects of life. We can learn how to work in actual life and treat with our coworkers, which is very important when we have a legitimate job. It will be a perfect preparation step before taking an official job. Moreover, companies are prone to hire staffs with much working-experience.

We can also take a job relative to our major to get more experience. It certainly offers us a high-paying and more desire job after graduation.
In conclusion, it will be not easy to fulfill well taking a job and studying at school at the same time, but if we arrange our schedule logically, having a job while we are still students gives us more advantage both for current situation and work in the future

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Carl Sandburg's life does the professor mainly discuss?
Viet Duong
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Dec 2009
Posts: 18

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. #2 (permalink) Tue Dec 08, 2009 19:57 pm   In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
 

I think your essay requires more thought. Read the sentences to yourself, and ask if they sound right.
You are trying hard..................try harder!.

Kitos.
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Kitosdad
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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. #3 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 14:43 pm   In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
 

[quote="Kitosdad"]I think your essay requires more thought. Read the sentences to yourself, and ask if they sound right.
You are trying hard..................try harder!.

Kitos.[/quote
Hi Kitos, thank for spending time to read my essay. As you wrote, I can see many sentences are difficult to understand, especially in the introductory. In fact, I'm trying to write and express my idea in amount of time as short as possible, and I finished this essay in 20 minutes without reviewing. I can certainly be aware of some mistakes, but I would like to have you show me some mistakes too. This is because, as you know, it is the difference of language, so I probably wrote these sentences as the way I do in my language. Would you spend more time to help me improve my English. Thanks again and hope you always happy and healthy.
Viet Duong
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Dec 2009
Posts: 18

teenager should have a job when they are still a student? #4 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 14:55 pm   teenager should have a job when they are still a student?
 

This is the essay I reviewed, and I hope you can help me identify more mistakes

There are a great number of people opposing to the idea that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students. It is certainly challenging to the students when spending time both for a job and studying because of many reasons. However, I think that it is still more beneficial to take a job than only to study when being a student due to the financial benefit, the chance to gain of experience.

To begin with, it is obviously that to have a job makes us get more financial incomes. Instead of only depending on the family support, we can earn money by ourselves to cover for many extra-expenses such as a gift to friend's birthday or dating fee. Furthermore, spending time on earning money is also a way to reduce the time of spending money. For example, instead we go around with our friends and spend money for a drink or something, we spend that time for a job; it as a result will be more useful and saving.

Next, having a job while still a student makes us more experienced on every aspects of life. We can learn how to work in actual life and treat with our coworkers, which is very important when we have a legitimate job. It will be a perfect preparation step before taking an official job. Moreover, companies are prone to hire staffs with much working-experience.

We can also take a job relative to our major to get more experience. When we have more experience and technical knowledge; it certainly that we can get a high-paying job after graduation.
In conclusion, it will be not easy to fulfill well taking a job and studying at school at the same time, but if we arrange our schedule logically, having a job while we are still students gives us more advantage both for current situation and work in the future
Viet Duong
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Dec 2009
Posts: 18

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. #5 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 14:56 pm   In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
 

My dear friend, as much as I would like to, I simply do not have the time to dissect every essay.
I simply read and alter the text into the manner in which I would write the sentence.

Your explanation regarding your manner of writing is understandable, but unfortunately the examiners have little regard to those of a different outlook.

If you wish to eventually teach English, then you simply have to satisfy THEM, not me.

I'll certainly do the best for you that I am able. To ask for more is beyond my time limitations.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13510
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. #6 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 15:04 pm   In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
 

Dear Kitos
Simply read and alter the text into the manner is all I can expect. There is no need to dissect every sentence. It is the first time, I can receive a comment on what I wrote, so I'm really happy. Thank so much for everything
Viet Duong
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 02 Dec 2009
Posts: 18

teenager should have a job when they are still a student? #7 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 16:06 pm   teenager should have a job when they are still a student?
 

This is the essay I reviewed, and I hope you can help me identify more mistakes

There are a great number of people opposED to the idea that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students. It is certainly challenging to the students when spending time both for a job and studying because of many reasons. However, I think that it is still more beneficial to take a job than only to study when being a student, due to the financial benefit, AND OF HAVING the chance to gain experience.

To begin with, it is obvious that to have a job makes us more FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Instead of OUR depending on OUR family FOR support, we can earn money by ourselves to cover many extra expenses such as THE BUYING OF a gift FOR A friend's birthday or FOR GOING OUT ON A datE.
Furthermore, spending time on earning money is also a way to reduce OUR spending money. For example, instead OF US goING around with our friends and spendING money for a drink or something, we CAN spend thIS time WORKING AND EARNING MONEY.
AS a result, IT will be more BENEFICIAL AND THRIFTY.

Next, having a job while still a student makes us more experienced IN every aspect of OUR life. We can learn how to work in THE REAL WORLD, and TO MIX with our co-workers, which is very important when we have a legitimate job.
It will be a perfect preparationAL step before taking an official job. Moreover, companies are prone to hire staffs with LOTS OF working-experience.

We can also take a job relative to our major IN ORDER to get more experience. When we have more experience and technical knowledge it WIL certainly HELP US IN FINDING a high-paying job after graduation.

In conclusion, it will be not easy to takE a job and study at school at the same time, but if we arrange our schedule logically, having a job while we are still students CAN give us more advantageS both IN OUR current situation and FOR OUR work in the future.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, this is a good essay, and a little more time spent in analysing it would lead to your betterment. You can do good work, but think before you write. Well done.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13510
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

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