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TOEFLŪ essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation



 
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November 22nd TOEFLŪ. What do you think? | In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.
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TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation #1 (permalink) Tue Dec 08, 2009 9:30 am   TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation
 

Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Vacations is something that most expected by the student. For the teachers who want a consecutive term and the students who hope to plan some projects, the long vacation offers them the opportunity. Though long vacation may have one or two disadvantages, I believe the merits of it out weight the demerits it has.

In order to enjoy a long vacation, students need to study for almost five months to get it. During this long, tough semester, tired, boring, exhaustion are ones on the top of the list for the students to endure. While if the students can have several short holidays, such feeling can be reduced periodically. And thus students can have much more enthusiasm to the school.

Though the disadvantage it has, long vacation can provide a long term which will not be disturbed by other things. In other words, students will not be distracted from those that are not related to the study. For example, if a student has three short vacations a year, every time he or she is back to school, the excitement from the vacations like travelling can not be decreased to the normal level, which prevents him or her from concentrating on the class. And also he will always feel boring about school, thus nothing in the school being attractive.

Another merit that accompanied with the long vacation is that students can arrange a schedule to go to the remote areas, which can not be allowed by the short-time vacation. They can do as volunteers in the distant mountainous area where a lot of kids quit school for that they can not afford the tuition fee. Doing something like that can be really meaningful in their life's time. Or they can have inter-continent travel to learn something that is totally different from their own culture and can not be taught in the classroom. And when they go back to school, they can share or may be exchange their own experience with other students, which will definitely broaden their spectrum. And teachers can also use these as topics for students to do presentation or group discussion.

To sum up, disadvantage may the long-time vacation own, we can never neglect what it brings us, like a consecutive learning period and having time do something valuable while broaden one's horizon. Long vacation, I think, is more suitable for the students than the shorter ones.

p.s.I'v check the grammar myself .however,since this is the first toefl passage i'v written, i do not have enough time thinking about semantic and syntactic variety.
Having taken the Ielts and not doing well in the writing section, i hope someone can help me and give me some advice.
Thx~!


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Yennyy
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 28

TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat #2 (permalink) Tue Dec 08, 2009 18:59 pm   TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat
 

I really don't know what happened here, but this is the essay that I was editing for Yennyy.

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A lot of students go to universities which are far away from their homes, especially WHEN (someone) studIES abroad. Living can really be a problem for THOSE who usually grow up (in the green-house.????)

THE DECISION AS TO whether to live on campus or off campus always botherS A lot of students. Though livING off campus can offer you more freedom, on-campus life will benefit you not only IN KEEPING TO the time schedule, but also socially.

Living in AN apartment does bring you some freedom. You do not need to go back to your apartment before the deadline, while living in school can sometimeS prevent you entering the dormitory buildings IF YOU ARE LATE RETURNING. For example, some building regulation says: doorS will be closed AT eleven o'clock every night.

Though not as free as livING off campus, on campus life is much more interesting.
When you stay in a dormitory, you may have room-mates from all OVER the world, exchanging your cultureS, food AND even traditional clothes, WHICH can be amazing. Also, at the same time, you are making friends with them, and chances are that you may be asked to their country for A free holiday.

Another obvious advantage that the dormitory offers is it BRINGS you closer to youR school.
Since you live on campus, you may not need to get up AS early as those who live FURTHER AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL.. Besides, it can save you money, like THE COST OF PETROL AND OIL. Also since THE supervisor is usually POSITIONED on the first floor of the dormitory, YOUR safety is ASSURED.

The most significant merit is that when you choose to live in the school, all you have to do is to go to the students' office, make an application and fill in some formS, which usually ask you some questionS, like which type of apartment WOULD YOU PREFER, how many room-mates do you want to share the room with you, etc. But when you have to lease a flat outside, A contract is something you have to CONSIDER.
Since you are usually not very familiar with, or YOU know VERY LITTLE about that, you may hire a room AT A much higher price THAN NORMAL or MAY EVEN BE cheated by others. The risk of hiring a room outside is definitely higher than that of applying FOR a dorm in the school.

Despite not BEING as free as livING off campus, on- campus life really benefits a lot from making friends to AVOIDING the legal issues. From what on-campus life has showN you, choosING to live in a university dormitory can be THE wiser choice.
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A very nice essay Yennyy. I think you need to study the use of PREPOSITIONS a little more. These are troublesome little words that add that essential touch to your sentences.
I look forward to your next essay, and I congratulate you on how well you are doing.

Kitos.
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TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat #3 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:29 am   TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat
 

hi kitos
thanks for your meticulous editing
my essay seems more native now~

shall i read some original english novels to improve my using of preposition?
Yennyy
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 28

TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat #4 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:54 pm   TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat
 

I would say that reading newspapers and magazines would be better, because reading a novel tends to draw your interest away from your aim, which is to clearly understand each sentence.

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
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Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13510
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat #5 (permalink) Wed Dec 09, 2009 13:03 pm   TOEFL essay: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacat
 

ok I'll try it
many thanks
Yennyy
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 28

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