If I could change one thing about my hometown

[Sonal]

Hello Friends,I am appearing for TOEFL on 16 Jan 10.Please evaluate my essay and suggest areas of improvement.
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If I could change one thing about my hometown
My hometown Satara in India is a nice place with easy access to market,business areas,school,college and also boasts of a large playground and big movie halls.I have always been happy going here on vacations.However if I was offered to change one thing about my hometown it would be state of the roads.
This town has extremely narrow roads consisting of small lanes and narrow bylanes.Moreover ,it is thickly populated as it has been a major trade centre since ancient times.Numerous hawkers selling vegetables,fruits and toys have encrouched the pavements and made it extremely difficult for pedestrians to walk on the road.Pedestrain have a harrowing time jostling through a maze of shoppers busily shopping on one side of the lane and the crowded traffic on the other side.Also, the roads here get heavily eroded and damaged during monsoon creating numerous potholes and puddles along the road.These get filled with rain water and create a nightmare for pedestrians.I would first,like to build a hawker's plaza so that all the hawkers encrouching the sidewalks can be shifted there.THe roads must then be widened to ease the flow of traffice and make it easier for pedestrians to walk.Also underground subways or a foot over bridges should be constructed at a number of places for people to cross the road.This will make reduce the congestion on the roads further .I think all these measures will greatly improve the state of the roads and beautify the city further.
The local municipal bodies have a few plans along these lines.It would be a matter of great joy if these are transformed into real.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this meeting?

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Sonal. An excellent essay with only a few minor errors.

You must have studied long and hard to attained such a good grasp of English.
You even mention a few little-used words which fit into the passages beautifully.

A refreshing change to read such a good essay.

Thank you for posting it here.

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Yavi]

hey dear
I have here corrections for your essay...
encroached is the word insted of encrouched

you are using commas but not taking care where to put them, as fo example, moreover , is wrong it should be moreover, and space then ....

always after comma we give a space but thats the thing you often din paid attention in essay..vocab is wonderful.keep it up

YAVI

[Kitosdad]

That post was from last year Yavi.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.