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TOEFLŪ essay: In general, people are living longer now.



 
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TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now. #1 (permalink) Fri Jan 08, 2010 15:51 pm   TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now.
 

This is my second essay , could you please correct my essay or give me some advices?

TOPIC:In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon.Use specific reason and details to develop your essay.

People nowadays live longer than their ancestors, however, which factors cause this phenomenon? In my opinion, there are three main reasons to lengthen our life. First, the advance of both medicine and medical techniques, second, the improving science of food and nutrition help us to chose more health diet, finally, citizens have health insurance in many countries so that they can see a doctor as they need.

First of all, because of the advance of both medicine and medical techniques human beings live longer, many incurable diseases and epidemics can be treated now thank to the invention of vaccines. For example, in the beginning of nineteen century, Smallpox is an not only serious but also fatal ailment, however, after the discovery of cowpox, it cannot threat our life anymore. On the other hand, the improving surgery technique also gives us a big hand to reduced mortality. For instance, our ancestors who suffer from appendicitis will lost their life, because of the improvement of surgery technique that has eradicated a lot of fatal maladies.

Also, humankind has more knowledge about their diet now, they keep balanced diet, and have more health food such as fruits, vegetable and grains. Because of the development of nutrition science, you can get the least information about foot and eat more health diet. For example, the anthocyanin in broccoli can help protect against cancers of the breast, colon and stomach, moreover, eating more carrots can reduce the chance of cancers because of the beta-carotene inside.

In addition, the citizens have health insurance in many countries, and the insurance fee is affordable to them, some of these governments even pay the health insurance bill, so the governed can see a doctor for free. Because of the insurance, people have better medical service but lower diagnosis spending, and people live longer and healthier than their ancestors.

It is clear that people are living longer now. This is because of the advance of both medicine and medical technique, the improving science in nutrition and most importantly, the health insurance cut down the diagnosis costs.

Thanks for your reading or/and corrections.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students (2)
Tucm123
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Joined: 03 Jan 2010
Posts: 4

TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now. #2 (permalink) Fri Jan 08, 2010 17:21 pm   TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now.
 

This is my second essay , could you please correct my essay or give me some advices?

TOPIC:In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon.Use specific reason and details to develop your essay.

People nowadays ARE livING longer than their ancestors, however, which factors cause this phenomenon? In my opinion, there are three reasons to ACCOUNT FOR THIS.
First, the advanceS IN both medicine and medical techniques, second, the improving science of food and nutrition WHICH help us to choOse A more healthY diet, finally, citizens have health insurance in many countries so that they can see a doctor as OFTEN AS they need.

First of all, because of the advanceS IN both medicine and medical techniques human beings ARE livING longer.
Many incurable diseases and epidemics can be treated now thankS to the invention of vaccines.
For example, AT the beginning of THE nineteen century smallpox WAS not only A serious AILMENT but also A fatal ONE.
However, after the discovery of cowpox VACCINE it DID NOT threatEN our LIVES anymore.
On the other hand, the improviMENT IN surgICAL techniqueS also give us a big hand IN reducING OUR mortality.
For instance, ANY OF our ancestors who sufferED from appendicitis lost their liVES.
TODAY, because of the improvement IN surgICAL techniqueS, thIS has eradicated a lot of fatal maladies.

Also, humankind has more knowledge about their dietS now. They keep A balanced diet, and have more healthYS food such as fruits, vegetable and grains.

Because of the development of nutrition science, you can get the LATESTinformation about fooD and eat A more healthY diet. For example, the anthocyanin in broccoli can help protect against cancers of the breast, colon and stomach, moreover, eating more carrots can reduce the chance of cancers because of the beta-carotene inside.

In addition, MANY citizens have health insurance in many countries, and the insurance fee is affordable to them.Ssome of these governments even pay the health insurance bill, so the governed can see a doctor for free.
Because of thIS insurance, people have better medical serviceS but THEY INCUR lower diagnosis spending, and people live longer and healthier than their ancestors.

It is clear that people are living longer now. This is because of the advanceS IN both medicinAL and medical techniqueS, the improving science in nutrition and most importantly, the health insurance WHICH cutS down the diagnosis costs.

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Tucm, a nice essay, which can only get better as your vocabulary improves.

Kitos.
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Kitosdad
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TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now. #3 (permalink) Sun Jan 10, 2010 17:12 pm   TOEFL essay: In general, people are living longer now.
 

Thanks for your suggestions, Mr. Kito.
Tucm123
New Member


Joined: 03 Jan 2010
Posts: 4

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