 #1 (permalink) Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:23 am Story Correction. The three friends! |
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Good Evening!
I'm going to write a story which I have to present.I want to be sure that its grammatically errors are corrected plus is the story interesting or boring.Actually its the first I wrote a story,so I don't know if it will be presentable or not.Kindly read and make grammar correction, and the way of writing the story.
Once a upon a time,in the New York of Rochester,there used to live three friends,Jessica,Cassandra,and Devan.The three of them studied in the same Rochester International college/school.Jessica and Devan were studying in that school since first year.They came from different schools.Since they were new at that time,they werent able to get along,make friendship with the girls of that school.Even their classmates didnt think of making them their friends.Jessica and Devan used to sit alone in the class,when their classmates were taking break in the garden.Jessica and Devan had the same thought that:Why is she sitting alone?Why dont she join girls?Suddenly,Devan asked Jessica,how long have you been studying here?So Jessica replied:its my first time in this school,thereupon Devan said:Oh!Wow!Its mine too.Why are sitting here?Go and enjoy with the girls in the garden.I just came here from Canada and I feel like I'm in a different place,so I'm not able to understand them.Jessica replied.Oh I see!I also moved here from France,so it will take time to get.Devan answered.She then asked why dont we become friends?I was really excited that I'm going to America and will have more friends.Thereupon Jessica said:Sure!Why not!They became one of the best friens ever in that school.They used to call each other,whenever they miss each other or are sad.Every Mondays to Fridays,they go to each others house.Sometimes Jessica in Devan or Devan in Jessica,to discuss or share notes,or help each other in doing homework.Every Saturdays and Sundays,they hang out with each other.They go to shop,lunch,gym,and amusement park.Then when the final exams finished,they visited each other for the last time in a park,and bid a farewell,and went to their original places for holidays.Even though they were not together ,they still kept in touch.They chat on the internet with camera,talk on phone,send gifts to each other.Before the ending of the holidays,Devan called Jessica to ask whether she is coming back or not.Jessica replied:Yes are you?Devan said that's cool I'm coming back too.They started putting their cloths,books , memories in their luggages and headed to the airport.At 8pm.they had their flights,and were excited that they will see each other again.The flight was about two hours,so they reached Rochester at 10pm,before organizing their rooms and schoolbags,they first thing they did was to ask each other whether they reached safely.They were happy to know they reached safely back.
The following day was the first day in University.They both had a great time seeing each other again.Then there comes a new student name Cassandra,who was also from Miami.she also experienced the same thing as Jessica and Devan did when they were new in this school.Jessica observed that.So she thought of making her their friends.As days passed on,Devan had a feeling that Jessica is going far from me,an getting closer to Cassandra.She had that feeling when she was sitting alone in her room.She was worried that she is going to lose her.So she went to the garden and was so upset that she didnt charge the mobile and it closed.At the same time,Jessica was trying to call Devan to ask to see her in the garden,but her mobile was off.So she went her house,but she wasnt there.Devan sat there from afternoon to evening.Suddenly,she witnessed,two people strolling across the garden,it was Jessica and Cassandra.Devan burst into tears,that they didnt tell her that they were going to come here.As Jessica spotted Devan,she screamed:What a chance!your here.Devan replied yes,and asked what are you both doing here.Jessica replied I thought to relax with you guys here,before the exam.I tried to call you but your phone was off,and visited you at your home,but you were not there.Devan didnt try to understand that,she thinks it was a nice time for Cassandra to spent with Jessica,my first friend.If Jessica really wished to go with me,she would have cancelled the program today,until she informs me.After one week was the final exams,after the exams were over.Jessica asked Cassandra.How was your paper?Because she was new to understand how tests are taken here in Rochester.Then she asked about Devan's.She said OK!After getting back home,Devan was thinking too much about her and Jessica's friendship.She was afraid that one day Jessica will completely neglect her.She was so afraid that she want to keep Cassandra away from Jessica.So she called Cassandra,and asked her to meet her near the river.When Devan reached at that place,someone was sitting over the rock.Devan could see her from that person's back,and she thought it was Cassandra,therefore she began her step to take revenge.She pulled a silver pistol out of her pocket,and pointed it towards that person and starting shooting.After that person fell to the ground,Devan put her pistol in and turned around,and saw a girl standing there,it was Cassandra.She wonder who was that person,who was sitting on the stone.When Devan came closer to see that dead person,she turned the body around and saw it was Jessica.
Now I'm done with writing!I cannot understand what topic and theme should I give to this story.I want the topic and the title to be suggested too.
Thank you so much!
REgards! |
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 Luby
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Posts: 133
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